C3D6-7 Thinking forward & upcoming goals

    I am breathing a sigh of relief over the last two days as I reached 24 pounds.  I feel like I am really beginning to make a dent into my journey and where I am headed.  It felt so great to get on the scale over the last few days and finally see it budge.  I still don't understand why it works that way but I have been documenting my weight loss/gain for the past year and a half.  I have noticed patterns and time periods as to when I gain, how much and how it comes off.  I am very close to being at the lowest I have been in the past 2 years since Caitlyn was born.  2 pounds to be exact.  That is the next hurdle I need to cross and it's not far from the realm of possibility.  The last time I was at that weight was probably for about 24 hours just after finishing a 10 day cleanse AKA starvation diet.  What I did then wasn't really healthy.  It was a quick fix to a much bigger problem and not sustainable for the long term.  Don't get me wrong, cleanses can definitely help one drop a few lb's and clean out your system.  But if you need to make a serious lifestyle change, it's not the way to go.  At least not my way to go.  I find I can have tremendous willpower when necessary, and I am in "the zone" but when it's over what happens?  What is my long term plan?  I didn't have one the last time and then came the holidays, kids birthdays and forget it I had already put on 10 pounds, so why bother and the rest came piling back on like a ton of bricks.  Amazing how easily it happens and why it's so incredibly crucial for me to weigh in often.  Maybe not every day will be necessary forever but definitely several times per week.
     I am happy that this time around things are different.  I know what my long term goals & plan are.  I know where I want to be and what I need to do forever to stay there.  Well at least I think I do.  I may need to re-adjust and re-evaluate as more pounds float off.  I have incorporated some exercise in my routine and several times a week I am doing stroller strides.  I may begin something more strenuous when more weight comes off like jogging.  I am nervous to mess up my knees though. Running is really tough on your body at any size and truth be told I really hate it.  I wish I didn't because running and diet is what got me into the best shape of my young adult life.  So we'll see what happens.  I actually LOVE Zumba so maybe I'll pick that up again. 
     Anyway, my Labor Day goal for weight loss was 25 pounds and looks like I only need 1 more pound to reach that in the next month.  I think it's safe to assume I will blow that goal out of the water.  I guess I should make a new goal.  So I will declare 30 as the new goal for labor day and 35 for my Columbus day goal. While I am making holiday goals I will make 42 the goal for thanksgiving and an even 50 for New years.  This journey is something that will be going on for a long while, but I am worth it and I know I can do it one meal and one day at a time!!!

C3D5-6 Life is making a bit more sense...

   OK after my rant on Wednesday I hopped on the scale Th morning and the .4 leftover was gone along with another 1.2.  I hopped on again this morning (b/c I am crazy) and it went down again another 1.5.  I just don't get the scale.  It seems to do this almost every week.  I plateau for 3,4 or even 5 days and then BOOM all the hard work comes sliding off all at once.  I would think rationally it would be different like a loss of say 3-5 oz's per day and add it up over the course of a week and its between 1-3 pounds.  That makes more sense to me but clearly by body isn't made that way.  Apparently I am not the only one.  I spent an hour this afternoon googling delayed weight loss and read what the experts have to say and apprently there's no rhyme or reason our bodies just work in mysterious ways.  I did read that it's common to plateau even over longer periods of say several weeks and then all of the sudden say 7 pounds is gone.  I really don't get it but I am glad I am trying to understand and prepare myself so it's not such a shock every time. 
I keep thinking back to that last weight watchers meeting I ran out the door crying from because I had gained a pound or 2.  I have learned so much since then and I know there is no way I am running away crying now.  I know too much and there's no excuse.  Gaining weight happens for different reasons at different points in our life: menstrating, stress, lack of sleep, lack of activity, poor eating habits, eating out too frequently and the wrong stuff.  So many reasons really contribute to this.  But the reasons for losing weight seem fewer: stress (not to me I eat when I am stressed), illness and being too busy to eat (LMAO I don't get that at all).  I never understood people who "forgot" to eat.  How do you forget?  Your body needs fuel and without it you're not running efficiently and you make poor choices when you do finally eat.  For years Dr's have said breakfast is the most important meal of the day b/c it gets your metabolism running and helps your brain and body function.  My DH thinks this is a load of crap but I do think there is some stock in it and I certainly believe that I do better eating smaller more frequent meals.
So where was I again?  I think I need to really get into the daily meditation so I can focus on my tasks at hand.  I feel scattered often times and have too many balls in the air.  I had a terrible craving for chocolate tonight so I hopped onto the Drs website and found a 17 DD recipe for chocolate pudding and it did the trick.  It was tough driving past all of the amazing chocolate shops in town though to go to Stop and Shop for my cocoa powder.  I am allowed limited dark chocolate when I am PMS'ing but I am not sure if I am officially so I am waiting and I will indulge in one piece of dark chocolate one day next week and savor it.
     I am going to wrap this up and go enjoy my weekend one meal and one day at a time.
And P.S. for the record as of this morning I am down 23.5 pounds in 41 days.  Feeling positive & strong :)

C3D3-4 Grrrr. Food vent.

    Well I stepped on the scale this morning.  I stepped on yesterday as well.  I was up just under a pound yesterday.  Today it was still up .4.  This is all I think from Mohunk.  I really tried to be as good as I could while still indulging just a little and this is how my body f'in repays me.  This is why I find even maintaining my weight so goddamn maddening.  I was beyond good for breakfast, lunch and dinner both Monday and Tuesday and still the scale is showing a gain.  WTF!  I am sorry but I am pissed and just need to vent.  I hope the stupid .4 goes back and crawls under the rock it came from.  I know in the grand scheme of things I am down 21 pounds but this just really PISSES me off.
     I guess it just goes to show how different restaurants prepare food than I do at home.  They probably cooked with lots of butter and oil.  Butter hasn't seen my pan in about 40 days.  And it tastes great but my body obviously doesn't need butter.
     OK I think am done venting.  This .4 gain will probably be gone tomorrow hopefully with a few more ounces b/c guess what tomorrow is?  Weight watchers.  I will try to drink tons of water and tea between now and 3ish tomorrow.  That's when I stop so that the water has a chance to exit before I hop on the scale. Crazy?  perhaps but it's just what I do.  I am getting more nervous about a trip I have coming up soon.  It's 5 days long and if I found a way to gain a pound in 24 hours could I gain 5 lbs in 5 days?  I f'in hope not.  I really tried and that's what pisses me off so much.  I plan to bring a cooler with my greek yogurt, fruit, veggies, almonds, roasted chickpeas lots of water and/or seltzer etc.  And whenever possible I plan to order salads and healthy choices.  But it's always harder being away from home and no matter how good a choice you think you're making, the restaurant food is never prepared the same as I would at home and the portions are inevitably larger so you end up eating more even if you thought you were making a good choice.

C3D1-2 Anniversary Weekend...death to all you can eat buffets!

     Well I went away this weekend to Mohunk Mountain with my DH for our anniversary.  We had a wonderful time, enjoyed LOTS of fun in the sun through tennis, boating, walking, golfing and swimming.  And...I ate!  I sort of stayed on plan.  We arrived mid day Sunday and ate in the dining room and had the buffet.  Anyone who is overweight and/or trying to lose weight knows that a buffet is like crack to an addict.  So much food at arms reach and this food was good, really good.  But, I began strong.  Had lean chicken (no skin), fruit, salad and a variety of vegetables.  Then came dessert...I tasted a few things.  The chocolate pecan pie was probably what I enjoyed the most and actually would count those calories as being more than a taste.  I didn't have a big piece but a bit more than a sliver.  The other things looked better than they tasted and took a lick and left the rest.  This was just really tough with my diet.  They had a sugar free strawberry mousse and I took a tiny lick and it was gross.  I figured if I am going to waste the calories, it better be worth it.  After lunch we were active till dinner time doing all the activities I mentioned earlier and by dinner we were hungry.  This time the dinner was sit down so I knew the courses were fixed portions and I could make some hopefully good choices.  I began with an arugula salad with roasted beets (YUM!), and then I had a piece of brie with a crostini and some roasted veggies (v small portion) but in the meantime I COULD NOT resist the bread basket.  It arrived piping hot and had rosemary sprigs inside of it.  I took a bite and it was incredible.  So I had a piece with some sun dried tomato spread and savored every BITE.  Dinner I chose the grilled polenta with a piece of tofu on top and these amazing mushrooms.  V delicious and I think the healthiest choice possible.  Dessert I chose this pecan chocolate cake that was OK.  Not as good as I had imagined it would be but I am happy that didn't live up to the expectation so I didn't need to finish it.  I also enjoyed a glass of wine and before dinner we shared some champagne.  I am scared to think about how many calories it was that I consumed...I don't think it would be more than a pounds worth and lord knows I exercised a LOT!   But who knows.  This morning we woke up and had another buffet breakfast in front of us.  Lord grant me the strength to say no to the croissants and muffins galore.  A virtual carb lovers fantasy was spread out on every surface.  I settled on an egg White scramble with lots of veggies, a little cheddar and a little ham for extra protein.  I also added a little fruit salad to my plate and had coffee.  That was it!  I did not eat the fresh hot waffles with all of the fix ins or crepes etc.  We went to the pool again after breakfast and J did some laps and I took a meditation class.  I think it's so important to be able to clear the mindless chatter in your head and focus on whatever task is at hand.  I have a terrible habit of starting things and not finishing them.  Even as I type this blog I am going in between facebook, e-mail and other odds and ends around the house.  I am hoping to take this away from my weekend and try and carry it through to my daily life.  We opted to not stay for the buffet lunch.  Neither of us could face it again so we drove towards home and stopped at the I84 Diner and I had an awesome salad with these giant grilled shrimp that were out of this world fantastic.  I took one bite of the pita bread it came with just because I know I can have it on C3 occasionally and it was tasteless and kinda hard.  It was so empowering to take that bite and leave the rest there.  I had the dressing on the side and didn't use much at all of the vinaigrette.  Then we made our way the rest of the way home.  Today is actually our 8 year anniversary and I decided to just throw together a nice salad, some yummy sauteed veggies and some Parmesan crusted tilapia done in EVOO and egg white bath then dipped in the FF Parmesan.  Delicious and super easy!  It was nice to be in control of my meal again.  I haven't stepped on the scale since Friday and have to admit I am a little scared after the last 36 hours in Mohunk.  I was pretty good but far from perfect. The good news is, as soon as I was outta there, it was back to the business at hand eating right and feeling great one meal and one day at a time.

C2D15-16 The end of cycle 2

   Well friends, I am almost there.  I am nearly done with Cycle 2 of the 17DD and am feeling great.  I am down 21 pounds and feeling lighter, happier and in more control than ever before.  I have a great weekend coming up which I posted about the other day and feel so good knowing I have a plan in mind for each meal.  It's such a relief.  Tomorrow night we've got a date night with our friends J & M and since dinner is involved, I asked that we do asian b/c I know that I can find great choices on the menu that will keep me on track.  Yesterday I made a big batch of eggplant parm (the 17DD version of course) and it was yummo I also roasted some more beets and fennel.  I can't get enough of that combination.  I had no idea what happens though if you eat so many beets.  It actually turned my stool RED.  That was a surprise I was not ready for this morning.  I wonder if your whole body would turn red if you ate too many, like carrots.  Today I enjoyed a great Greek salad with a balsamic dressing and some sliced turkey.  I am currently finishing up my FF plain Greek yogurt with berries.  Not sure what's on the agenda for dinner tonight.  I should probably think about prepping something after I finish the blog. 
    Can I say, I cannot believe I am almost through C2.  C3 is about to begin and I can't believe I can begin having whole wheat bread, udon noodles and virtually any fruit or vegetable.  Since I am incorporating new foods I cut back on other things, so the calories stay in check.  I have really been enjoying life without all of these carbs and am not super anxious to go back.  It's only 17 days and then back to either C1 or C2 until I reach my goal.  I have no idea how long it will take, maybe a year, maybe longer.  Then you go on to maintenance where you pretty much stay on plan 5 days a week and over the weekends enjoy 1-3 meals of what you want in moderation.  Maintenance is what scares me.  I feel like I am OK at losing weight once I get motivated, but I am scared that once if comes off, it will pile back on.  I know this is a lifestyle change and if I do the right things, this should be my life and weight forever once I reach my goal.  I am scared though, I did it 1x before.  The difference is, this time, I have the past to remind me of the mistakes I made and use my new found wisdom to hopefully not make those same mistakes.  So I finish up Cycle 2, 21 pounds lighter one meal and one day at a time.

C2D14 An even 20 in 31 days!

     The scale budged again this morning.  Happy to report, I have lost an even 20 pounds in 31 days.  Pretty stoked about that.   The same thing happened last week it came to a screeching halt from Fri-Tu and by weds it budged.  I am not complaining as long as I keep going in the negative direction, I'm a happy camper.  I am hoping to be another 10 pounds lighter by the end of August.  Thrilled if it happens sooner but it seems like my body is stabilizing at a 2-3 pound loss per week.  I'll take that, believe me it's just fine!  Sometimes when I watch the biggest loser, I don't understand how they lose like 20 pounds in a week, it's nuts to me but I think they're on this fictional ranch with trainers, chefs, no kids or job other than to lose weight.  Trust me that's a big job but I am happy to be doing it now at home and on my own. 
     I still maintain that planning is my biggest strength and lack thereof is how I fail.  This morning I took the kids to the children's museum with a friend and packed the cooler full of healthy food for me and the kids.  I had my yogurt with fruit and a piece of turkey then once we got home, I threw together a grilled chicken salad in 5 minutes.  5 minutes, you ask how is that possible? Well we grilled the chicken last night so it was ready to go and the veggies were washed and prepped along with my homemade dressing.  It was filling, healthy and delicious.  What a relief!  I have a little getaway coming up with my husband for our anniversary and we're going to a super romantic spot.  All meals are included and are sure to be decadent and caloric.  I have been thinking about this since I booked it. It's only 1 night and 3 meals but that could potentially do 2+ pounds worth of damage.  I am not willing to say hello to those pounds again, I do NOT miss them.  So this is my plan.  For the 4 course sit down meal, I will choose the fish or lean meat option and skip the carb, skip the breadbasket but enjoy the dessert.  I will be on plan and eat amazingly up till then.  I plan to have 1 glass of wine at dinner.  The next day breakfast and lunch are included and they're buffet.  I will stay on plan for those meals and enjoy lean meats, veggies and fruit and a whole grain carb if available.  If not, skip it.  I am sure the food will be enticing, but my goal is more enticing.  If we do the hikes and outdoor activities on site, I should easily burn off dessert and as long as my portions are under control should maintain my weight.  I do NOT plan to lose but maintain, and that in itself will be a victory.  I plan to bring a cooler with my Greek yogurt, almonds, bottled water and maybe some cut up veggies and fruit.  Just in case.  I'd rather have the choices with me and not use them all then not have any and choose the cookies with tea time. 
     We have another little vacation planned later in the summer and I have been thinking about that, where we'll eat, what snacks I'll pack for us and the kids.  My DH is doing well too and I am really proud of his hard work.  It truly is easier with a partner.  So we plough on and plan accordingly one meal and one day at a time.

c2D12-13

   It's been a busy couple of days.  Over the weekend we were busy with some social events and I have to say, have been getting easier and easier.  Saturday we were at a friends house for a wine night and I brought a veggie tray and a nearly fat free caramelized onion dip.  I used FF Greek yogurt and FF sour cream but with the caramelized onions and spices mixed it it tasted sinfully delicious.  I had a glass of wine that I fooled myself into feeling like it was more.  Each time I just poured 1/5 of a glass.  Nice to socialize.  I did partake in two stuffed mushrooms that night which had minimal breadcrumbs in, but that was probably the best choice I could have made.  Next day we had a family party with my DH's husbands side.  I knew this one would be tough.  We ate a late lunch that day so I didn't arrive starving but as the afternoon wore into evening I got hungry and searched out a few things.  Decided upon a green salad, green beans and a small piece of steak.  I didn't get enough protein so on the way home we stopped at the gas station and I had beef jerky.  I am proud of myself though, I chose the best thing available to keep me on plan.  Yesterday was a normal day but in the evening I had ladies poker.  I made my roasted chick peas and snacked on a few of those and fresh raw veggies (no dip).  There were so many temptations there but I stayed the course and guzzled about 50 oz of seltzer to curb my appetite.  I do feel like it's getting easier to avoid the bad stuff and I am losing my taste for it although it still looks great!
     People have been beginning to comment on my weight loss and are noticing the difference especially those I don't see on a regular basis.  I am noticing a difference when I look at pictures.  In the mirror it doesn't seem like a big deal, but I have lots of energy and my kids are enjoying all of the healthy food.  That is a big motivator to me.  I love that they enjoy fresh smoothies, zucchini bread with no sugar and lots of fresh veggies.  This couldn't have begun at a better time.  I am loving being part of the CSA as I go through the journey.  The fresh produce is amazing and so tasty.  What a difference!  I have today, tomorrow and most of the day Thursday till weigh in.  I have plateaued again and have just lost a few ounces since last weigh in last Thursday.  I am hoping the same thing will happen that happened last week and the scale budges tomorrow and Th.  But if not, I know I am doing all the right things and it will budge eventually.  A friend told me yesterday that my last blog really spoke to her and her own relationship with her Mom who has food issues.  She said she never saw her Mom as anything but beautiful and never saw her size.  I pray that's true of my own kids.  I work so hard to teach them that everyone comes in different packages but on the inside we all have the same hearts.  But I am feeling more confidant in what I am wearing and feel like clothes are fitting better.  Nothing is really loose yet but that's because everything was tight before or stretchy.  I will continue on this day just like the past 30, one meal and one day at a time.

C2D10-11 Working against genetics

I am planning to post just 1x this weekend.  We're headed out this morning to our CSA.  Looking forward to picking up fresh fruit, veggies and greens at our farm.  It's fun to show the kids where real food comes from.  The big thing I do not want to pass down to my kids is poor eating habits.  I am so glad that I am doing this now while they're still so young to really understand the difference. 
     Last night the kids ate chicken nuggets, veggies, fruit and a cheese stick along with milk and water.  I am not a big fan of the processed stuff but it's so much faster.  Grr convenience wins with kids.  I can wait the extra 15 minutes for dinner, screaming kids...not so much.  I want to make a concerted effort to try and prep the chicken and flash pan fry it then freeze it so I can just cook the rest of the way when I take it out of the freezer or perhaps cook it all the way and warm in microwave.  Last night the chicken nuggets felt like they were filled with air instead of chicken.  they means far too much breading.  I don't do nuggets daily but let's face it they're darn convenient especially when a group comes over and you're feeding 6 kids and need the food on the table ASAP.  Anyway, when I was growing up I was an only child.  My parents both worked full time.  Nothing wrong with that.  Gotta do what you gotta do economically or for your own sanity reasons.  I have made a decision that I prefer to be home with the kids.  We can afford it right now and hopefully will be able to for a long while still.  I love being home with them and enjoy taking them to do things and spending gobs of time with them.  Some days are rough but overall I love my job, it's hands down the best one I could ever ask for. 
     But I just really want to be a healthy, happy mommy.  I want to look the same as most of the other mommies.  I don't wanna stick out to my kids and have them wonder why their mommy is so FAT.  I hate that word.  I really do.  It actually makes me sick but I use it to illustrate my point.  If I were having a conversation I would say heavy or bigger.  It's really insensitive to those who actually do have a weight problem especially if they have struggled with it their ENTIRE life.  In case you didn't know. 
     I pray my kids don't have this life long struggle.  I grew up as a latch key kid and often let myself in after school and helped myself to whatever was in the pantry for snacks.  There was no one there to prepare me a healthy snack or help me make the right choice, so I often made the wrong one.  Those wrong choices turned into a lifetime of unhealthy choices.  I don't blame my parents, they did what they had to do.  I did have activities to help keep me active tennis and horseback riding but it wasn't enough and when those activities ended and I began college the rest of the weight piled on.  So I am hyper aware that we as a family need to eat family dinners together, that I need to provide healthy choices and I need to be involved in this process so the normal choices become fruits and veggies and occasional treats are cookies, crackers, chips etc.  I know that genetics play a role and I was never predisposed to being a small person.  BUT by making the right choices for the rest of my lifetime I can certainly work against the process and I can help my kids avoid a lifetime of struggles.  So as a family, we head off to the farm and continue on one meal and one day at a time.

C2D8-9 Conscious consciousness

     I had a nutty day yesterday and never ended up having a chance to post, so my apologies.  The morning was spent taking A to her swim lesson and then spending time with family in the afternoon.  It was imperative to me that I ate a good light lunch early on. So I ate with the kids around 12:30 and then drank TONS of water all through the day till about 3:30 then I stopped for the 2 hours before Weight Watchers.  My family had made a late day lunch because they hadn't yet eaten and I positioned myself outside of the table and did not have anything except my water.  Everything of course looked delicious and if I wasn't weighing in a few hours later I would have tried some lean meat and veggies.  That's the good thing about BBQ's in the summer, there are usually at least a few things that are delicious and very diet friendly.  My MIL made a great looking fresh Mozzarella, tomato, cucumber and basil salad with just a dash of fresh EVOO and balsamic.  YUM!  Anyway, I digress.  I left for WW and felt really good again as I walked up to the scale.  Having my new digital scale at home is really keeping me completely accountable for every ounce that I take off or put on for that matter.  I know people say don't get on the scale every day but I am pretty sure I need to get on the scale EVERY day for the rest of my life if this journey is going to be different from the rest and allow me to keep this weight I am working so hard to lose...off.  I have a tendency to bury my head in the sand and before I know it 2 lbs turns into 20 lbs.  Crazy, right?!?  So I need to weigh myself all the time to stay on track.  I am actually getting a bit nervous about long weekend trip we've got coming up in the future.  How and when will I get on a scale?  We're driving so should I pack it?  Is that nuts?  I am not going to enjoy myself if I don't stay on plan.  To be happy with me right now, I need to keep doing what I am doing and stay on plan.  The good thing about the 17DD is it's forever changing so it keeps me on my toes and excited for new foods coming up to enjoy on occasion but still the core of the program remains the same as that's supposed to be a forever change.
     Wow I really got off track again.  So I got to WW and stepped on the scale and dropped another 3 pounds.  So excited that I made my 5%.   I actually made it last week and forgot to announce it so they clapped my celebration and gave me a big sticker along with my next 5 lb sticker.  We talked about different types of consciousness and knowing what it takes for us to stay on track and succeed in our own personal journeys.  I said, I need to drink enough water because I mistake hunger for thirst often and eat more than I should when I drink enough water.  The other thing I have discovered is key for me is planning.  The more I do it, the more I am in control.
     Last night  I went to a MOMS night out with my MOMS club at my friend N's house.  I unfortunately arrived a few minutes late but for good reason.  I was roasting my seasoned chick peas and Kale Chips.  I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, stayed on track and stuck the kale chips and chick peas in my popcorn bucket and munched away guilt free.  Such a relief to have things with me that I know won't derail my efforts...so planning is truly key.  I am taking A and her friend to see a movie and plan to bring my leftover roasted chick peas in place of popcorn and my big bottle of ice water along with my sugar free Extra Dessert Sensations gum.  I love it, so good!  We have a nice day with friends otherwise and plan to hit a carnival tonight but I will eat dinner before I go because I am sure there will be nothing there I can eat, so instead of tempting fate, I just eat before I go.  My DH is doing really well too and being super supportive.  It is soooooo much easier to go through something like this when you're doing it with a partner or a friend.  There is nothing bad in our house to eat so it's nearly impossible to go off track when at home.  So as long as I continue the same habits when I am out I will continue losing one meal and one day at a time.

C2D7: My 1st priority is me

    Today has been another good day.  I love getting feedback from friends who are reading my blog and sharing their thoughts with me.  The cameradie is really what keeps me going.  Recently I have been finding it really tough to balance fun with the kids & our friends with cooking a healthy and delicious dinner for the family.  Everyone who knows us well knows that the wonderful witching hours from 4-7 are tough around here, especially when I decide to cook dinner in the midst of my children wanting love and attention.  It's like how when the phone rings, your kids start screaming in the background as if all of the sudden they need your complete attention, when they were fine right before it rang. I have had to say no to some committments recently because it's too hard to keep on plan but I am trying to balance so I don't put everyone else on the backburner and neglect my friendships and support system.  It's tough!  This HAS to be my first priority.  I mean it's my health for goodness sake and without that, what do I really have?! You know?  I am at a place where it's this all or nothing mentality and I hope that people are patient with me as I go through this journey and realize that I love them exactly the same as I did before, I just need to love me the most right now and take care of me.  If that means not talking on the phone as much or seeing friends for social events, I promise it's nothing personal.  I am just so encompassed with what's going through my head and staying on track right now.  I weigh in tomorrow and hope it's a good one.  The scale budged another pound this morning which is so nice because for the 4 day plateau period I was getting really frustrated (yes I know it's normal but still frustrating).  I took a stroller strides class this morning with a friend and it's a tough workout man but it's awesome!  I am glad I went, pushed my 80 extra pounds (kids & double stroller) up those steep hills and ran a little more of my booty away.  My daughter A actually got out and did some of the excercises side by side with me. I  love her so much.
     So that's pretty much it.  I hope my buddies get it, and if you don't, I hope you get there soon.  This journey is tough enough.  I promise, I'm doing my best, but I need to come first and continue along one meal and one day at a time.

C2D6: It's the follow through that really matters

     I am getting the hang of C2 just as I am hitting nearly the halfway point.  Day with carbs, day off carbs before 2 pm of course.  Though I did make turkey chili from the 17DD book which has black beans in it and I ate that for dinner last night and tonight.  The amount of beans in each serving is negligible and it's not as if I am eating a loaf of white bread or any bread for that matter.  The scale FINALLY budged a pound down this morning, thank god!  I know people say other things matter like inches, water, muscle vs fat etc but when you have this much weight to lose, 4 days is a long time to be in limbo with no loss.  But I stayed the course and continued on.  I am still enjoying my kefir shakes with fresh berries and a tsp of agave.  I prefer it to the truvia.  I did make the 17DD power cookies yesterday with truvia and they turned out pretty well. Next time I will cook the minimum amount though b/c the bottoms were a little too well done but they were still so tasty.  I can enjoy these on carb days, so hoping they stay good in the airtight container or else next time I will either freeze them, or half the recipe.  I would like to make some granola too that's 17DD friendly. Investigating recipes and hoping to get one to try soon.  It would be great with my Greek yogurt in the morning or as a snack before 2. 
     Yesterday I got the sweetest little package in my mailbox from my friend F.  It was her birthday yesterday and she decided to share the love with others and very sweetly thought of me.  She brought me the green smoothie revolution book which has tons of green smoothie recipes inside and describes the health benefits for eating green smoothies daily.  One particular person lost over 200 lbs, had no loose skin after, his Grey hair turned back to it's natural youthful color and even more amazing benefits.  They talk about cancer and so many other diseases that can be prevented by eating this way.  I am not sure if I could do them morning, noon and night but I could certainly do them 1x per day or a few a week.  I hear they take getting used to because of the taste of the plants but fruit helps make it to be more palatable.  I will let you know how it goes.  Anything additional to give me a boost and make me healthier is welcomed.  But I mention this in particular because it's the thought that she took to put it in my mailbox with a sweet handwritten inspirational note.  Many people talk and don't follow through.  It's the follow through that really matters and certainly can make the difference in someones day. It certainly made the difference in my day and made me smile.
     I had a very busy day with the kids running around the zoo this morning and then swimming at my families pool this afternoon.  I love busy summer days like this where the kids are so wiped out at the end of the day that they're asleep before their head even hits the pillow.  The one thing I could have done differently is drank a little more water.  I am not sure if I had quite enough.  It seemed like I refilled my 20 oz. bottle just a handful of times, but I did also drink 6 cups of tea (3 green).  In any case, 2 more days till WW and I am hoping the scale will budge another pound between now and then.  We'll see what happens...in any case I continue along on my journey one meal and one day at a time.

C2D3-5 The dreaded plateau

  Doesn't it suck when you do everything right and the scale JUST won't budge.  It's been stuck in the same place ever since the day after I had those grits.  I have been amazingly good all weekend.  I drank my water, ate veggies and had all the right choices yet, it's not moving.  I warned myself that this would happen and after dropping 15 pounds I guess I should have expected a slowdown but a complete halt?!  This is really starting to piss me off.  It would be one thing if I were cheating and having things not on plan BUT I am NOT!
     So F U plateau.  I am hitting the gym later on to get my heart pumping and will continue doing what I have been doing since I started this journey one meal and one day at a time. 

C2D2: Grits & roasted chickpeas

     So my friend M has been invaluable since I began this experience.  She keeps reminding to look at this as an adventure in trying new foods and finding new ways to cook that I hadn't tried before.  So this morning I had grits for breakfast.  They tasted great but felt like a lead balloon in my stomach when I was done eating them because it's been so long since I have had starch.
Lunch was cottage cheese with a sliced nectarine and dinner was chicken sausage with assorted sauteed veggies.  I am making some roasted chickpeas as we speak and I'll measure out my serving then put the rest in an air tight container for tomorrow, if they last that long.  My DH may enjoy them too.  We'll see how they turn out.  I hear they're fantastic kinda like corn nuts but with a lot more protein.
     We had a birthday party this afternoon and that was the first time I have turned down pizza since the journey began.  Oh pizza, you are my Nemesis.   Love that salty, cheesy, crusty goodness.  But I didn't do it.  I guzzled my ice water and ate 12 almonds on the way home...very slowly.  I was so relieved that I had the forethought to bring them because that pizza looked and smelled really good. Ugh.  But it's worth it, I'm down 15-16 pounds depending on the time of day. The cake wasn't hard to turn down.  I am sure it tasted great but if I am going to have an indulgence like that it's going to be from a favorite bakery and my favorite thing...but I haven't earned that yet.  Not that I should be rewarding myself with food in the first place, that's how I got here in the first place.  I need to keep the rewards with non-food items like clothing, nails, a coffee or maybe inexpensive trinket from target.  I love the little stickers from WW.  Maybe I should get a roll for myself and every time I turn down pizza or cake give myself a little bravo.  My life would be so much easier if I didn't like food.  What a thought...to have to remind myself to eat.  Yeah I wish!  I wish I didn't compulsively think about it, but I do.  Just gotta stay the course and continue along on C2 one meal and one day at a time.

C2D1: Paying it forward feels so good!

      I had a great day overall.  The morning was spent with the girls at swim class, a special manicure for Abby and tea with a good friend.  I stayed on track with my kefir shake with berries plenty of water and tea.  I toyed with the idea of skipping lunch before tonight's weigh in, but decided that wasn't the best plan.  Instead I opted for yet another grilled chicken salad with some other veggies and my water.  Then I continued to guzzle water all afternoon in hopes that it would magically flush the food out of my system and show my morning weight (naked).  LOL  I was hoping the WW scale would register the same as home but it's off my a few ounces. Who cares though in the grand scheme of things I have lost about 15 pounds.  That's so exciting for me. 
     I went grocery shopping at a few places this afternoon to pick up some of the goodies I can enjoy occasionally on cycle 2.  I actually ventured to ctown in Danbury for Aripa's.  They're basically like flat disk shaped polenta that you just need to heat up.  It's a versatile food that only has 90 calories and is legal every other day on C2.  It's a bit confusing I know.  But I was scared to eat starch today before weigh in.  Stupid sounding perhaps, but I think my body is really sensitive to carbs so I need to be careful. 
     I came home to unload my goodies and checked the mail and found the sweetest surprise.  My friend A had lent me Bethany Frankel's book Naturally Thin and attached the sweetest note to it just inspiring me to continue on this journey and work that much harder.  She said that my blog is helping her make good choices in her day. I find that so refreshing and motivating, so thank you A for sharing that :)  It really made me smile.
     I went to my WW meeting and was hoping to run into the man I mentioned in my blog last week.  The one who was so disappointed in himself.  I promised myself that if I did, I would make a point to tell him how proud I was of him that he came back and tell him the story of when I last walked out of that WW meeting 9 years ago and where that got me.  I saw him and at the end of the meeting told him what I planned to say and he was grateful to me.  He said he was so mad at himself because he was on a business trip the week prior and gained 4.4 pounds thanks to the all you can eat buffets at every turn.  But he came back and lost it plus another .4.  I told him that was so wonderful and he should be proud of himself.  It felt so good to share that because I never want that to be me again.  Paying it forward is so incredibly important in life.  I wish someone had been in that parking lot that day I ran out to give me a hug when I began sobbing from sheer disappointment in myself and walk me back in the door.  I need to rely on my own strength to get me through this journey and just keep going. If I have an unsuccessful week where I plateau or gain, that is no excuse to walk out and give up.  When dealing with any challenge you have to keep trying till you succeed.  For me it's a success every week just walking in that door.  Yes, I can weigh myself on my scale at home but no one hands me the little gold stickers and claps my success's and understands my frustrations like they do in a meeting.  I know they're not for everyone, but they work for me.  So cycle 2 day 1 is over and I continue along one meal and one day at a time.

Day 17: The end of cycle 1

     Well they say you can do anything you put your mind to once you're good and ready and I'd have to agree.  I have lasted the last 17 days without bread, grains or pasta.  Who knew I had it in me?  In the past 17 days I have shifted my attitude towards food and have mostly eliminated the night snacking.  What I have engaged in has all been healthy, legal choices but for the most part, the cravings are gone.  I find the days I want something at night are from the days I didn't get enough during the day.  A gentle reminder to have my 2nd pro biotic serving or remember to have that 2nd fruit before 2 pm and for the love of god drink enough water.  I purchased an insulated Kleen Kanteen on amazon and it's worth it's weight in gold.  That bottle can sit in the hot sun for hours and guess what?  When I pick it up and give it a shake there's still lots of icy, cold water in there.  I love it!  Any tricks of the trade that get me closer to my goal, I welcome.  I am feeling really great today.  Positive, happy and mostly in control of what goes in my mouth. 
     I am sporting my new lands end polo dress and loving the easy comfort I feel strolling through town.  It fits nicely and good thing I didn't spend too much because my guess is by summers end it will be getting big on me.  I was hoping to make it into that new decade by tomorrow's WW weigh in but I am not sure if that's going to happen.  I do feel pretty confident that I'll be 15 pounds down though which is pretty darn impressive. 
     Tomorrow I start cycle 2 and am able to begin incorporating new foods.  I really am excited for the change but admit I am nervous that the weight is not going to come off as well.  But I am going to have faith in the program and plug along one meal and one day at a time.

Day 16...Damn you godiva

  I made it through day 16 almost unscathed.  I had a great breakfast of cottage cheese with a nectarine and a great salad for lunch.  Then we hit the mall so I could torture myself in the dressing rooms of Sears and Macy's looking a few new bathing suits.  I have been feeling a little lighter and last time I tried on clothes at the Gap I was pleasantly surprised and ended up even coming home with a new workout outfit and a pair of jean shorts.  I was thrilled to be fitting into anything from the Gap without elastic waist, even if it was tight, it still buttoned.  It's the little things people.  So, I decided to venture into Sears because I know they carry Lands End and I usually like their stuff.  They were actually having a great sale and I found 2 polo dresses and 2 bathing suits that didn't make me cringe when  looked in the mirror.  Always a plus...right?  I wonder if you ever get to the point where you enjoy bathing suit shopping.  I get the feeling that no matter how thin you are, as a woman you always criticize your body so much harsher than anyone else truly would.  A little extra padding or a touch or cellulite or go forbid a stretch mark has you running screaming from the dressing room.  Anyway, I did find two bathing suits that will carry me through this summer feeling covered and as confident as I can.  I got a great deal on them too.  I had tankinis last year and am sick of tugging them down or having them float up when underwater.  I still like how they look better out of the water but running around with my kids, they're just not practical. I went to Macy's after and tried on a few miracle suits.  You know the ones that promise to make you look 10 pounds thinner for the cost of your left arm.  Seriously, the suits are nothing great and compared to the lands end ones they actually looked worse.  So lesson learned, I will stick to lands end, at least for now. 
     On the way back we walked by Godiva.  I am a member of their chocolate of the month club...surprise surprise.  All you have to do is sign up and 1x per month you choose a chocolate of your choice free of charge.  It's their awesome way of getting you in the door to buy more.  I joined when I was pregnant and enjoyed my free treat 1x per month ever since.  So I decided that I would give my treat to Abby and not let it go to waste.  I walk in all ready to pick it out for her and they offer a different free sample to me.  I pass it off to Abby and then realize I still have my free chocolate.  So do I walk out without my free chocolate, or partake and risk the possible approximately 200 extra calories in my day.  Fu&* it! I ate the piece of dark chocolate and savored every bite.  I enjoyed it and you know what, that 1 piece of chocolate is not going to make me gain a pound and I have been so religiously good for 16 days.  I wish I could say I made it all 17 without straying at all, but damn Godiva broke me!  I guess next month I should go while I am pms'ing because it's legal to have 1 piece of dark chocolate occasionally then (I think 1 per day).   I just went through this last week and did NOT indulge then so I felt like I missed out.  Maybe I am making excuses.  But I didn't buy a box and scarf it down in the parking lot.  Just 1 piece.  I am pretty sure I saw a common friend walking into Godiva as I was leaving and I sadly hightailed it out of there because I was embarrassed and ashamed that I had the damn chocolate in the first place...then I thought that person couldn't possibly be judging me as hard as I am judging myself.  So death to Godiva, I love & hate you all at the same time.  Tomorrow is day 17.  One more day till I get to enjoy some new foods for the next 17 days of cycle 2, one meals and one day at a time.

Day 15

    I can't believe I am almost done with Cycle 1.  I haven't had carbs in over 2 weeks and I am still here to tell the tale.  Who knew I had the willpower?!?  The longer I go without them the easier it is to say no.  Today we went out for breakfast at our favorite family spot and I had my usual: 2 eggs over medium, tomato slices and half a grapefruit.  Delicious, light and filling.  We went to DH's families home for a cookout and we had marinated chicken overnight in Cindy's balsamic vinaigrette with some seasoning salt so we brought that over. I was glad we did.  Because the other choices were sausage, hot dogs, steak and ribs.  In the past I might have tasted the sausage and possibly the ribs or steak but today I stuck to the chicken and some delicious fresh garden salad, tomatoes and green beans from the garden.  I enjoyed one glass of Rose wine and had water the rest of the time. 
     The scale budged another pound this morning which makes me happy.  I am hoping to enter a new, lower decade later this week.  Praying it's by weigh in on Thursday night.  I have about 3 more pounds to go to make that happen.  We'll see.  I have been really consistently good and it's paying off.  I only have a few more days on cycle 1.  It's tempting to just stay on it because I want these same results to continue but that's not how the program is designed so after day 17 I will begin incorporating some new foods but the general eating plan stays the same.  I can occasionally enjoy grits or a sweet potato or perhaps some lean beef.  But it goes back and forth between cycle 1 and 2 to trick the metabolism and keep the pounds coming off...or so I hope.
     It's going to be a bit of a relief come tomorrow because it's back to normal.  As fun as the parties are right now, it's just difficult to balance and make good choices when away from home.  At home I have more healthy food than I know what to do with but I am certainly learning.  Looking forward to sitting down to menu plan the next few days this week and beginning on Thursday, cycle 2.  I have babysitting on Thursday, so I may wait to grocery shop till then and finish up all of the produce in the house.  I am loving all of the fresh fruits and veggies available at the store.  Hoping to enter that new lower decade later this week one meal and one day at a time. 

Day 14

     Starting off positive. I have noticed a difference in my face in pictures over the last few days. The double chin is disappearing which makes me happy.  It's the start of a better me.  Onto the rest of day 14.  I had a lot of opportunities to fall victim to poor choices at lunch today but made it through.  We went to the Martime center with the kids and our friends M & K.  I had suggested Papaya Thai for lunch because I knew I would have a good number of healthy choices that would be something different than a grilled chicken salad.  Because, how many grilled chicken salads can you eat?  They get boring after a while.  I had picked out what I had planned to eat ahead of time online but my plan was foiled.  We ended up at the Sono Brewhouse.  The menu was limited because of Sunday brunch and there were two choices for me 1. a Cobb salad with bacon and avocado (can't have either) or 2. a grilled chicken salad.  Guess which one I chose?  Yup the grilled chicken salad.  As others around me enjoyed burgers, fries, sandwiches, beer and fried food.  I feasted on my grilled chicken salad with an unsweetened iced tea.  I have to say today was hard.  Not because I had to chew down yet another grilled chicken salad but because it was my only choice on this particular menu.  Usually I can order something like fish or chicken and sub out the starch for extra veggies but this menu had nothing else...so I chewed it down.   Everyone else enjoyed their meals which is good.  Mine was fine but just nothing great.  Oh well.  I could have sabotaged my efforts and chosen something that would have tasted better going down, but I'd rather continue on my journey and keep the scale going in the right direction.  I am telling this story to remind myself that things don't always work out according to plan.  And even though in that particular moment, I would have rather tasted the burger on the pretzel bun, beer & french fries I sucked it up and had my salad.  One day when I really earn it maybe I can indulge and have that meal but today was not that day. 
     Breakfast & dinner were uneventful egg white scramble with berries and dinner was chicken over a bed of sauteed mixed veggies.  Delicious and very filling.  Last night we watched fireworks and I came prepared with a veggie tray and water.  I did indulge in a glass of wine last night and I really savored it.  That was the only glass I have had since last Sunday.
     Tomorrow we have the last day of the holiday weekend and a cookout with the family.  They tend to cook healthy, so as long as I stay away from bread & pasta I should be in good shape.   I have to remind myself to keep my opinions about food to myself.  Not everyone is trying to accomplish the same goal as I am.  And even if they are, it's their ultimate decision the food choices that they make.  So I'll express myself here because this is my own personal journal of sorts.  No one likes a food Nazi, it's just REALLY tough to be around food like that right now.  Some days I am stronger than others.  I got through day 14 one meal and one day at a time.

Day 12 & 13

     I know you missed me friends.  I forgot to post yesterday.  Busy day with the kids made for an exhausted Mommy come night time.  Let's see our day yesterday was great.  I FINALLY got out there and took a stroller strides class for the 1st time.  Great, tough workout.  Don't underestimate the workout you get by pushing an extra 80 lbs (kids + stroller) up & down hills.  We stopped at various stations to do resistance work, squats, push ups and running work.  I was pooped!  First time I have done cardio in a class setting in a while.  Oh and I forgot ab work at the end.  My belly is killing me this morning and we didn't even get to the crunches b/c we ran out of time.  Even though I was beat, it felt good to get it in for the day.  I had a great day meal wise and stuck to plan.  We went out for Asian for dinner and I had the usual steamed chicken with veggies & sauce on the side.  I started with a seaweed salad and had my green tea.  I was on the go a lot yesterday so I missed my lunch tea but I made up for it with my dinner.  I drank plenty of water as I spent virtually all day outside with the kids. 

     In other news, I am glad I weighed in on Thursday b/c my Aunt Flo finally made an appearance this morning and I am feeling a tad bloated.  Not as bad as I typically would.  I think that has to do with the excess water consumption and way less sodium in my diet b/c I am not consuming ANY processed foods.  And I don't miss them either.  I feel great! 

     Last night I met a my friend K for coffee at  Starbucks and we had a nice catchup.  In the past when going to Starbucks I might indulge in a frappachino light (32 grams of sugar & 190 calories and 2.5 grams of fat) and some sort of low fat baked muffin or the lemon loaf I love from there so much.  The lemon loaf has 500 calories and a whopping 46 grams of sugar and 23 grams of fat (1/3 of the daily amount).   Instead I chose a skinny vanilla latte with 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 22 sugar & 15 grams of protein.  I am guessing all that wonderful protein was thanks to the skin milk. The vanilla syrup is sugar free.  I am not a big fan of the chemicals but I wanted to feel like I was indulging a little because I gave up the lemon loaf and my beloved frappachino.  I really enjoyed the latte though.  So instead of nearly 80 grams of sugar and 700 calories I had 160 calories and 22 grams of sugar.  Sure, I could have just had water and it would have been free but I wouldn't have had those 15 grams of protein.  I considered that my evening snack and 160 calories for an evening snack isn't bad at all.  And in the grand scheme of things, it's those little changes that truly add up over a lifetime committment.

     So today is the beginning of the 4th of July weekend.  My aunt Annie is having a great reunion with family from all over the country today.  Thank goodness I am in charge of the salad.  I plan to make a great one that I can enjoy.  I am unsure of the main courses.  I may bring a turkey burger for myself just in case. I can't eat hot dogs and am not allowed red meat till cycle 2.  But without protein I will make poor choices.  So I plan to eat my chobani yogurt with my a serving of fruit right before we leave and drink lots of water.  It's a whole lot of planning, but it you don't plan you end up starving and risk overeating on the wrong things later on.  I am really enjoying the breakfasts I have had the past 2 days an egg white veggie scramble with a little low fat Mexican cheese & about 1/2 cup of berries.  Yum!  Filling, healthy and delicious. 

     It seems like some of my common friends are thinking about taking the plunge on the 17 DD.  I am here for you in any way you need support and wish you all the best.  Giving up my carb addiction was the toughest thing for me.  But now I don't really miss them.  I need to take my book out soon and re-read cycle 2 because I am almost there.  I will begin cycle 2 on Wednesday.  I need to make sure I have the groceries on hand that I need.  I don't think it's much different than 1 except you get to enjoy a few whole grain carbs occasionally and lean red meats are allowed in moderation. 

     The rest of the weekend is fireworks and time spent with friends and a cookout with family. Happy 4th of July friends.  I will continue to stay on track and plug along one meal and one day at a time.