Breaking the cycle of emotional eating

     Yesterday was a hard day for me.  I received some very sad news which I won't go into detail about here except to discuss my reaction to it.  In the past I have been an emotional eater.  I eat in times of joy, sorrow, boredom, irritation, anger, celebration and disappointment.  In essence, whenever there are times of extreme emotion, I eat.  Some people can't eat when they feel nervous or stressed or upset.  For me it was the opposite, I jammed the food down my throat trying to cram the emotions down with it instead of trying to properly deal with the issue at hand.  I think many people are like this, it's just not something they openly admit.  I have many girlfriends who I have discussed this issue with.  In hindsight, I should have grabbed a phonebook and found a therapist instead of a bag of double stuff oreos.  Because the oreos won't solve my problems or make me feel better long term.  It's a short term fix that puts one into a sugar coma releasing temporary endorphins which quickly fade and leave one with a sense of emptiness thus wanting to eat again.  It's a vicious cycle and one that I hope I have broken through the course of the last few months.  Yesterday sucked.  I'm not going to lie.  I did ask to go out for Chinese food.  BUT I had a seaweed salad, 1 chicken lettuce wrap and steamed veggies and shrimp.  I really wanted an egg roll, but I didn't have it.  The egg roll is not going to make me feel better long term and I really needed to nourish my body.  I did want some comfort food, but I think I have struck the balance.  I enjoyed a delicious and healthy meal that I didn't finish.  I ate till comfortable and made healthy choices despite my horrid mindset.  It's so easy to make excuses for emotional eating, believe me I did it for most of my life.  I hope I am done with that and have broken the cycle by openly acknowledging it and dealing with the root problem at hand.  I continue on with this journey with a healthier body and spirit to deal with what life may throw my way, one meal and one day at a time.

Fun at the Big E and life lessons being learned

     It's been a while since I have posted.  Sorry about that.  I really have nothing else to blame except the chaos from the beginning of the new school year and lots of fun commitments that have left me exhausted come the end of the night when I would typically blog.  So, let's catch up.  In the past month I have reached a new goal.  I made my 40 pound weight loss goal earlier this week.  That was originally my Halloween goal so I obviously needed to update my small goals going forward.  I have made a 45 pound goal for Halloween and a 50 pound goal for Thanksgiving.  I think that's still more than doable and I might need to re-adjust again.  But I have to be honest, it's so much easier to set small attainable goals, reach them and celebrate the small milestones then it is to set huge lofty goals that are a year away in the horizon.  It's nice to say to myself, great job on losing 5 or 10 more pounds, let's get a pedicure or a new item of clothing (in a smaller size).
I am so excited to be able to go into the Gap and put on whatever I want.  The size may not be my dream, but I am on my way and I have said goodbye to the plus sized clothing that I completely hated wearing.  It's not cute, it's not fun, it's frumpy, old ladyish and doesn't ooze style.  Not like I ooze style now, but I am getting better.  In fact last week I had a wonderful date night with my DH in bethel.  We went to an amazing Italian restaurant and I had a phenomenal dinner.  A veal chop with a chick pea puree and some incredible sauce with haricot verts.  OMG it was to die for.  So here's the thing: I did NOT eat the bread from the bread basket though I was hungry and it was screaming out to me because earlier in the day I had some of a soft pretzel at an Oktoberfest.  Ummm, wait this is not why I brought this story up.  Rewind...OK so I am getting back to my style.  I wore a cute black short dress with a ruffle down the front, ankle boots and a cute grey sweater over the top.  I tied it all together is a brown belt that accentuated the beginnings of a waist.  It's pretty exciting that I would attempt to draw attention to that area of myself that I have desperately been hiding for at least 5 years, prolly longer if I am honest.  Anyway, my DH loved it and I felt sexy, confidant and proud of myself so I rocked that outfit.  I am continuing to try new things and come out of my comfort zone a bit more day by day.  I just spend the past 24 hours up at the Big E in Springfield.  Wow, this is a dieters worst nightmare.  I would not have been strong enough the handle this back in July, no way no how.  There is fried food at every turn and nearly every booth.  It's very difficult to stay on track.  I knew that I would be spending a lot of time there so I needed to space out my treats and choose wisely.  I am still thinking about the lobster roll that I didn't have when I went to the cape, so guess what?  That's a clue to me that I need to stop obsessing over things.  If a craving is that bad, a little is ok.  But I think that's the key right?  Anything in moderation.  That being said, a little deep fried cheesecake was not my treat of choice.  I really wanted the cream puff.  I talked to A and her friend M and asked them if they would share with me because I cannot buy a delicious cream puff and throw most of it out, that's simply sacrilege.  So they agreed.  I dived it up and gave them the bigger half to share and took the other piece for myself.  I gotta say, it was insanely good and worth the calories.  It wouldn't have been worth all of them, but I made a conscious choice, had some of it, got it out of my system and can be at peace about it.  I tried to make good decisions today and had a small cup of raspberries and a fresh tomato and mozzarella salad.  I was scared to weigh in this afternoon because of last nights indulgence.  Because I also had carbs in the evening.  A no no on 17DD.  But I decided to face the music and I have to say I am glad that I did because despite it all, I still lost a pound.  It's because I was consciously eating, I never lost control, I had my water and I did bring a few healthy snacks.  I guess the old saying rings true: if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.  I remember the days of eating whatever I wanted, not thinking about it and then hopping on the scale hoping for a miracle like somehow I lost weight eating crap.  But it just doesn't happen.  I have a good friend who's rail thin.  She eats what she wants, when she wants.  But here's the thing about her.  She never finishes anything.  She often takes a few bites and then ditches the rest.  I think that's the key.  She doesn't deprive herself, but she rarely finishes a treat.  Don't get me wrong, I think metabolism plays a role there too because as a child she was the type who couldn't gain weight if she tried but as an adult she's had to adjust accordingly to maintain her weight.  She's figured out what makes her body tick.  Now if we all can do that, we'd all be healthy, happy and fit.  I will never be rail thin, it's not in the cards and I am ok with that, but I am 40 pounds lighter than when I began this journey 16 weeks ago and I think that's something to celebrate.  So I continue along a little wiser and 40 pounds thinner one meal and one day at a time.

C3Dwho the heck knows... Plateau busted through Irene

     I am sorry it's been so long since I have blogged, it's not for lack of wanting or for lack of things to say because the truth is, I have had plenty to say and certainly wanted to.  Last week we had no power for almost a week thus no Internet.  We made it through a tough week with the help of good friends and our trusty Genny (the generator).  I tried to be as prepared as I could be for losing power and not having running water.  I prepped all my fruits and veggies and got them in ziplocs ready to be cooked via grill outside or put into fruit salads and veggie snacks, since I can't eat all the typical comfort food many might enjoy during a storm (AKA carb central).  I tried to stay on track as best I could and thank goodness our food stayed cold, I could still have my yogurt, cheese, fruit, veggies etc.  But it got old quickly and my veggies and fruit disappeared quickly, so I had to buy new stuff and wash it using bottled water sparingly.  We had some good friends who came to the rescue and helped with some meals and hot showers through the middle of the week which was wonderful.  So you ask "How did this affect my weight loss?"  Well I lost 5 pounds in WW last week.  I don't really totally get it b/c I did have some kind of whole grain carb many days last week up until the day of weigh in.  I think I just simply didn't have as much to eat b/c I was too worried and busy with everything else.  I went to bed early most nights and kept really busy with the kids and other things.  This past week I had many days of eating out and even though I chose healthy foods the scale reflected the difference.  I went down another pound this week and you know what?  36 pounds in 12 weeks is pretty amazing.  I accomplished my new labor day goal (1 day late) and tacked on another pound since then.  So the next goal is 40 by Columbus Day 45 by Halloween, the big 5-0 by Thanksgiving and 55 by XMAS eve and stay the same through new years. Doable right?  1-2 pounds a week.  Some weeks I lose a little less and others it comes off much faster.  I think in the end I really am understanding how my body ticks, what makes me gain, lose etc.  Staying the same is just a fact of life sometimes and a week goes by, you do all the right things and you still stay the same.  I also had my period last weekend into the middle of this week and in hindsight with all the stress and aggravation of Irene plus having my period, I cannot believe I didn't cave and end up buying out Godiva.  If the worst thing I had was an organic natural peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat bread, I'd say I did pretty well. This weekend I am pretty excited to be going to Oktoberfest with my family at one of our favorite little spots.  I am not sure what I will eat, so I may pack almonds, a cheese stick and some fruit (for the kids of course :) and stay on track.  I have pictures posted of me at Oktoberfest last year so I will start a new album of before and afters to show the difference. I am so looking forward to enjoying the company, raising a stein and being with my family and some friends.  So I continue on, more lessons learned one meal and one day at a time.