Fun at the Big E and life lessons being learned

     It's been a while since I have posted.  Sorry about that.  I really have nothing else to blame except the chaos from the beginning of the new school year and lots of fun commitments that have left me exhausted come the end of the night when I would typically blog.  So, let's catch up.  In the past month I have reached a new goal.  I made my 40 pound weight loss goal earlier this week.  That was originally my Halloween goal so I obviously needed to update my small goals going forward.  I have made a 45 pound goal for Halloween and a 50 pound goal for Thanksgiving.  I think that's still more than doable and I might need to re-adjust again.  But I have to be honest, it's so much easier to set small attainable goals, reach them and celebrate the small milestones then it is to set huge lofty goals that are a year away in the horizon.  It's nice to say to myself, great job on losing 5 or 10 more pounds, let's get a pedicure or a new item of clothing (in a smaller size).
I am so excited to be able to go into the Gap and put on whatever I want.  The size may not be my dream, but I am on my way and I have said goodbye to the plus sized clothing that I completely hated wearing.  It's not cute, it's not fun, it's frumpy, old ladyish and doesn't ooze style.  Not like I ooze style now, but I am getting better.  In fact last week I had a wonderful date night with my DH in bethel.  We went to an amazing Italian restaurant and I had a phenomenal dinner.  A veal chop with a chick pea puree and some incredible sauce with haricot verts.  OMG it was to die for.  So here's the thing: I did NOT eat the bread from the bread basket though I was hungry and it was screaming out to me because earlier in the day I had some of a soft pretzel at an Oktoberfest.  Ummm, wait this is not why I brought this story up.  Rewind...OK so I am getting back to my style.  I wore a cute black short dress with a ruffle down the front, ankle boots and a cute grey sweater over the top.  I tied it all together is a brown belt that accentuated the beginnings of a waist.  It's pretty exciting that I would attempt to draw attention to that area of myself that I have desperately been hiding for at least 5 years, prolly longer if I am honest.  Anyway, my DH loved it and I felt sexy, confidant and proud of myself so I rocked that outfit.  I am continuing to try new things and come out of my comfort zone a bit more day by day.  I just spend the past 24 hours up at the Big E in Springfield.  Wow, this is a dieters worst nightmare.  I would not have been strong enough the handle this back in July, no way no how.  There is fried food at every turn and nearly every booth.  It's very difficult to stay on track.  I knew that I would be spending a lot of time there so I needed to space out my treats and choose wisely.  I am still thinking about the lobster roll that I didn't have when I went to the cape, so guess what?  That's a clue to me that I need to stop obsessing over things.  If a craving is that bad, a little is ok.  But I think that's the key right?  Anything in moderation.  That being said, a little deep fried cheesecake was not my treat of choice.  I really wanted the cream puff.  I talked to A and her friend M and asked them if they would share with me because I cannot buy a delicious cream puff and throw most of it out, that's simply sacrilege.  So they agreed.  I dived it up and gave them the bigger half to share and took the other piece for myself.  I gotta say, it was insanely good and worth the calories.  It wouldn't have been worth all of them, but I made a conscious choice, had some of it, got it out of my system and can be at peace about it.  I tried to make good decisions today and had a small cup of raspberries and a fresh tomato and mozzarella salad.  I was scared to weigh in this afternoon because of last nights indulgence.  Because I also had carbs in the evening.  A no no on 17DD.  But I decided to face the music and I have to say I am glad that I did because despite it all, I still lost a pound.  It's because I was consciously eating, I never lost control, I had my water and I did bring a few healthy snacks.  I guess the old saying rings true: if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.  I remember the days of eating whatever I wanted, not thinking about it and then hopping on the scale hoping for a miracle like somehow I lost weight eating crap.  But it just doesn't happen.  I have a good friend who's rail thin.  She eats what she wants, when she wants.  But here's the thing about her.  She never finishes anything.  She often takes a few bites and then ditches the rest.  I think that's the key.  She doesn't deprive herself, but she rarely finishes a treat.  Don't get me wrong, I think metabolism plays a role there too because as a child she was the type who couldn't gain weight if she tried but as an adult she's had to adjust accordingly to maintain her weight.  She's figured out what makes her body tick.  Now if we all can do that, we'd all be healthy, happy and fit.  I will never be rail thin, it's not in the cards and I am ok with that, but I am 40 pounds lighter than when I began this journey 16 weeks ago and I think that's something to celebrate.  So I continue along a little wiser and 40 pounds thinner one meal and one day at a time.