Day 11 2nd weigh in

     It's been another good day.  Sitting here drinking my 2nd glass of green tea for the day.  We had breakfast at the diner and it was the first time I've gone there since I started the 17 DD.  I ordered 2 eggs over medium with a side of tomato slices and half a grapefruit.  I also had an iced coffee.  This was the first time I have ever gone and passed up the delicious potatoes and toast that always comes standard with my eggs.  Ya know what?  I didn't perish.  I am still here to tell the tale and it was pretty delicious anyway.  So there carbs, TAKE THAT!  I met a girlfriend for lunch with the kids and had my favorite salad and an unsweetened tea and came home to have my 2nd fruit serving of the day.  I have to have it before 2.  I am trying to debate whether I should weigh in tonight as planned or wait till Saturday.  Reason being, I weighed in last Saturday and that will be a full week.  Plus Sat am I had no food or drink in my system and at 5:30 tonight I will have 2 meals and I don't know how much water.  I just am not sure it's the best indication of my progress.  Does that sound like an excuse?  I am still hopping on the scale at home daily and it's definitely slowed down from the weight I lost in week 1 but that is to be expected.  If I lost 8.8 pounds in a week I would be done in less than 3 months.  I sorta wish that was the case, I just want to be there in a new body in a new wardrobe and a new me.  But I think the only people who lose weight like that are on the biggest loser exercising 4 hours a day and eating next to nothing to survive.  That's not reality with kids, that's for sure.  So I have babysitting this afternoon and have a variety of errands to run including a fantastic trip to the DMV among other things...
     OK updating now as I ran out of time earlier.  I ran my errands and decided to bite the bullet and go.  Thursday night is the best time right now for me to attend a local meeting because I have childcare built in weekly so there's no excuse whereas on Saturday at 8 am I can think of about 100 other places I'd rather be.  So anyway, I stood in line and a very nice man weighed in before me. I watched him go up to the scale and he took everything out of his pockets, his belt, coins, phone, I mean everything then he got on the scale with a look of trepidation.  He knew he'd gone up yet when he got on that scale he was so angry with himself.  I don't know how much or his number.  Great thing about WW is it's anonymous in that regard so it takes away any anxiety about other people knowing your weight.   He looked like he was about to cry and I had a remembrance of the last time way back when I was at WW and went up for the 1st time after having gone down consistently for a while.  It was completely devastating and I began to cry.  I walked out of that meeting and never went back.  That was probably 9 years ago.  I am not going to do that again. Hindsight's a bitch, I thought screw this place, what's the point of even coming anymore and I walked off.  Then over the course of all those years gained all the weight I worked so damn hard to lose back again.  I was proud of the man, despite him being upset he stayed for the meeting and hopefully feels renewed and hopeful that next week will be better.  I had to tell that story because in weight loss, every week isn't always a loss but as long as you''re being honest with yourself and staying on track for the most part it's a success.  Just showing up and being accountable is being successful.  I think that if I had just not walked off and stayed all those years ago, things might be different today.  I really have no way of knowing I suppose and it doesn't matter.  It's a fresh start this time and I have all of this wonderful experience to help me from making the same mistakes I have made in the past.
     So onto my news: I lost another 1.4 pounds which is fantastic considering last time I weighed in was last Saturday less than a week ago and it was 1st thing in the morning before I had anything in my stomach whereas tonight was after 2 meals and more water than you can imagine.  This loss brings the total since my journey began to 10.2 pounds in just 2 weeks and just 11 days on the 17 DD.  I feel good, strong and happy that I went.  Sure Saturday the number would have been a bit lower but there is something so satisfying about a round number like 10 and also that even though I was nervous getting on at a different time of day etc, I still did well.
     I think that's pretty much it for today.  I plan to take a stroller strides class tomorrow morning with some friends and then hit the beach after with the kids.  Should be a happy Friday indeed.  I continue 10.2 pounds lighter one meal and one day at a time.

Day 10

Happy Wednesday.  Today has been a much better day.  Though the kids still woke up early, everyone was on the right side of the bed and that made all the difference.  I had a little bit of time for myself which was more valuable than I could a have ever imagined pre-kids.  I had a great day on plan.  Had my Kefir shake with berries for breakfast with tea, a late lunch of my favorite salad from the cutting board with a cup of iced mint tea and dinner was eggplant parm from the 17 DD recipes (no breadcrumbs, egg whites & baked not fried).  It is a lot of work, I made a double batch though so I can have a serving for lunch or dinner over the next few days. And I am having a cup of pomegranate green tea as my after dinner drink.  I really haven't missed drinking overall too much.  Yesterday was a bad day and I really wanted a glass or 4, but I know weigh in is coming up again soon and didn't want to chance any extra calories.  I have been thinking about this weekend.  It's the 4th of July meaning lots of BBQ's and crap food.  I have a BBQ and pool party at my Aunts house and am already trying to figure out what I'll be able to eat.  I am in charge of the salad.  So if nothing else I know I can have a big honkin' bowl of salad and maybe some fruit salad to go with that.  But I think unless they make chicken, I'll be done.  I don't even want to stand up and look at the desserts when they come out.  My family makes the best desserts.  I will have to nicely ask someone else to help my kids get their fill.  Not fair to punish them...I did go grocery shopping and have noticed it's getting easier.  I got through the store faster today and didn't have to buy as much just replenish what we went through last week.  I stick pretty much to the perimeter of the store so it does go pretty quickly with a list in hand.  I have things on my list in order of when I will walk by them so I am not going in circles and forgetting things.  Anyway, I do feel better today.  Yesterday was a bad day.  I felt the need to vent and am not sorry for that.  They were my true feelings bad day or not.  This journey is hard enough to go through and share in such a public way without worrying about what others think. It doesn't matter because this is about me and my life and I how can make it better.  Enough about that.
    I do have to say I ran into a lovely woman named S this morning and S told me a very nice compliment.  She said she's been reading my blog religiously and finds it truly inspirational for anyone trying to make a change of any kind in their lives.  It made me happy to hear that and I am thankful for that feedback.  It's nice to hear that people find this inspirational, I am living this part of my life in a very public way right now.  The reasons behind that for those who may not have read are accountability and support.  I have tried and failed on more diets than I can count.  I know this has got to be a lifestyle change in order for it to stick and truly work for the long haul.  I just hope that the weight comes off at a relatively good pace to keep my motivation going.  But, I feel good.  I have more energy, less gas, very little bloating and am clearer headed.  Could food be a factor in how my brain functions?  I always read about brain foods but didn't put much stock into it.  But lately, I just feel like a fog has lifted and I can see clearly now. 
     Anyway, hope everyone else had an equally great day.  Hoping tomorrow is just as good and I continue to plug along one meal and one day at a time.
Love,
S

Day 9 The Koolade Man

     It's halfway through Day 9 and it's been a little hairy around here.  Kids all got up at the crack of dawn and were in quite interesting moods.  We took a ride to the library this morning and came home for lunch.  I definitely am finding it easier to have my meals at home and was looking forward to 3 square meals at home after all the eating out we did over the weekend.  What a weird turn of events. 
     I have been talking to a variety of people in person, on FB and on the phone and have been hearing some interesting comments.  I am sure they're meant to be supportive but instead are making me feel a little like the Kool ade man.  This sketch from John Pinette epitomizes my feelings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0q6Gc23ZtPA  Yup that's how I sometimes feel.  I am sure it's not meant to be mean but when you lose 10 pounds and people say they can really see it in your face, that's how it makes you feel.  So instead maybe just saying, wow you look great.  I'm seeing a difference already keep up the hard work.  I guess beggers can't be choosers with support. And I do appreciate any and all of it but I had no health problems.  No high blood pressure, no high cholesterol, no diabetes and my knee hurt one day in the rain from an old injury I had from a runaway wheelbarrow.  Anyhow, it's a bit frustrating to hear it's for your health.  Don't you think I know that?  That's why I am doing it.  For that and my kids.  I am overweight but I am not a sickly person.  Yes, I agree that later in life it could lead to more health problems and maybe that's what it meant but still it continues to make me feel like "am I really that huge that people think I might keel over and die of a heart attack?"...thus the kool ade man reference.  So for the record I know why I am doing this.  I don't need reminders.  I will continue to plug along till I reach my goal.  I am more than 10% of the way there already.  Hope I didn't hurt anyones feelings.  I appreciate support but I am a bit sensitive...it's a lot to share all these feelings.  I hope everyone has a great Tuesday and I look forward to continuing my journey one meal and one day at a time.

Day 8 planning is key!

Well my friends, if I survived this weekend and am continuing to lose weight, I feel like I can do anything.  Between Saturday and today we've had 3 meals out with one more to still have in a little while. And you know what? I am proud to say, I stayed on plan and feel stronger than ever.  Today we took the kids to the Bronx Zoo as it was my DH's b-day and it would be a fun outing as a family.  What's my first thought??  WTH am I going to eat at a place full of fast food, Icee's and ice cream at every turn...not that I noticed or anything ;)  So, I came prepared again with my big cooler bag.  In addition to packing food for the kids that wouldn't make them melt down and turn into monsters I packed for me as well.  I packed lots of water & seltzer so I stayed hydrated and didn't mistake thirst for hunger especially on such a hot day.  I also packed oven roasted turkey, several fruit choices for both me & the family.  I knew I had to have my 2 servings by 2 pm and there was no way I was missing that opportunity.  I also packed some edamame, cheese sticks and even a FF Greek yogurt.  I ended up packing more than I needed but you know what?  I'd rather too many healthy choices in my bag, than none to choose from.  So I was armed and ready to take on the zoo, and that we did.  I did end up finding a greek salad that was surprisingly good (minus the grape leaves) and I doctored it up with my turkey & edamame and Walla a healthy & filling lunch at a zoo.  Who'd have thought possible?  We came home a few hours later we're headed out as a couple for the final birthday celebration.  My DH suggested TK's in Danbury because on your birthday you can have free wings for however many years old you are.  I went online looked at the menu and determined the only thing I would probably be able to eat was the paper napkins so we compromised and found another place where he can enjoy his wings and I can stay on plan and enjoy something other than a napkin for dinner & stay on track.  I have pretty much planned out my dinner ahead and am planning to order 1 of 2 possible salads on the menu.  Unless they had a fish special then I might possibly veer but this spot has good salads that I know I'll enjoy so I think I am decided.  It feels good to plan it out ahead of time.  In my mind, planning it half the battle.  I planned today at the zoo and had good, healthy & tasty snacks that would keep me on plan and satisfied.  I can't control these special meals out, they're going to happen.  Sometimes more frequently than others, I just need to be accountable for my behavior.  It's a slippery slope for me, the first meal out on Saturday could have spiraled into ice cream after then a really unhealthy lunch yesterday and while I was at it snacked on crap the rest of the night because I drank too much and why get back on track today when I was going to the zoo, so I could have written today off as well.  I literally could have potentially gained back half the weight I worked so hard to lose.  And you know, it's just not worth it!  I still have a long way to go, but I am pretty sure at this point I have lost about 10 pounds according to my home scale with my Aunt Flo coming VERY soon.  So it might even be a good amount more by my 2nd weigh in.  So I continue to plug along and plan ahead one meal and one day at a time.
Love,
S

Day 7

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!  Today my family had a super fun day.  We had some fun at Kent Falls in CT.  I packed a cooler prepared with lots of healthy snacks and water for the entire family to enjoy and help me stay on track. We ran around outside and trekked up towards the falls with the girls walking on the rocks and putting our feet in the freezing cold water.  Next we played frisbee for a while and ran around having fun as a family.  After that, we went to my all time favorite summer spot the Hopkins Inn.  I chose a broiled halibut with a double order of veggies in place of the potatoes and a tomato, mozzarella & basil appetizer.  I did allow myself a glass of Pinot Noir but it wasn't very good so I didn't finish it.  I thoroughly enjoyed lunch and SOMEHOW I stopped myself from eating the incredibly hot, fresh from the oven bread that came out steaming onto the table.  I had to cut and butter CM a piece and it took all the restraint I had not to butter a big piece for myself.  But I held it together.  I did allow myself one bite of hubby's spaetzle (my all time favorite there) but I did not partake in desert nor did I feel like I had missed out.  I was enjoying the beautiful scenery up on the hill overlooking Lake Waramaug in Litchfield County.  It's just gorgeous up there.  Next we hit up a barrel festival at the Sunset Meadows Vineyard in Goshen, CT.  That was a fun adventure with the kids in tow.  Thanks to all the previous days of rain, the field was a complete and utter mud pit.  But we had a great time nonetheless and really enjoyed ourselves.  I did partake in the tasting there and would probably say I had the equivalent of another 2 glasss of wine there.  But it was worth it for the experience and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I find it a victory that I did not have the carbs & dessert that was staring me in the face at the Hopkins Inn and I made a good choice that was healthy and delicious.  Dinner at home was my leftover 17 DD Chicken Vegetable Soup and a big glass of water.  We snacked on some fresh veggies after dinner with a little low fat dip then put it away and I felt satisfied.  I may need to do a nice long walk tomorrow to make up for the several glasses of wine I had today.  But you know what?  In hindsight, in the past I would think nothing of downing 2-3 glasses of wine in an evening (especially on the weekend).  Those calories add up. The varieties I consumed, had anywhere from 80-110 per glass.  So I might have had an extra 200-300 calories today.  BUT, we were on the move a LOT as a family so I think a good amount of that could be cancelled out. I don't plan to do that again before the next weigh in or anytime soon.  I am proud that I am 2nd guessing the wine I consumed but I don't feel guilty about it.  I didn't have so much that I decided all of the sudden we needed an emergency trip to McDonalds.  I stuck to my diet and will continue to do so tomorrow (minus the wine) one meal and one day at a time.

Day 6 1st official weigh in

     Well today I got out of bed at the crack of dawn after a pretty wretched night.  Last night I ended up getting the tummy bug that CM & Abby had and my delicious dinner met the porcelain gods.   Luckily I was sick  just the 1x but felt nauseous the entire night and a bit into the morning. 

     This morning, I dragged the family to the rec center to weigh in at Weight Watchers.  You may remember I was supposed to do so on Thursday, but couldn't because Abby was sick. As I sat there in line I wasn't nervous.  I had just purchased a new scale on Amazon that I knew was accurate and had been getting onto it every day or 2 to check my progress.  Unlike my old scale that I would step on 5 times and get 4 different readings, this one was the same every time.  I may not love the number but I can be assured it's the real thing.  So I reached the front of the line and the woman at the front said "Wow you lost 8.8 pounds!  Good for you."  And you know what? It felt great.  I know it's a bigger loss since it was the first week but doing this 17 day diet isn't easy.  I have said goodbye to carbs and most sugar with the exception of my 2 fruits per day before 2 pm.  I have gotten used to it though. 
  
      The cravings have subsided and I was tested 3 separate times today.  First at the movies.  We took A to see Cars 2 and instead of enjoying the popcorn dripping with butter, salt and oil I opted to come prepared with a large bag of celery, carrots and snap peas.  When we walked into the theater and got a whiff of the popcorn it was tempting, but just for a second.  I continued walking and met the rest of the group in the theater to save seats and began chomping on my treats and a seltzer (gotta keep the water going too.)    Once the movie began, the craving was gone.  I did it!  One small step for me that will have lasting results over the grand scheme of things. 
   
      Next was a dinner out for my DH's husband J with his family.  They asked where we wanted to go and I suggested Asian.  A great choice for anyone trying to lose or maintain their weight.  I ordered steamed veggies & chicken with the sauce on the side and no rice.  By the time I got about 1/2 way through I started to feel satisfied.  I keep reminding myself you don't want to feel full, because by then it's too late and you've overeaten.  So I had them pack up the rest of my dinner and then we walked to the local ice cream shop and the kids got ice cream along with my DH.  That was probably the toughest to say no to, but I did.  And it's a slippery slope, 1 bite turns into 2 and 2 turns into eating the 2nd half of my kids cup that she no longer wants.  It feels great to be empowered and confidant in the "NO" word.
   
     I think the only challenge I am having with with my DH.  It's hard sometimes to watch him make choices that I am not partaking in like the ice cream tonight.  But I can't tell him what to do, and if I do it only makes him angry. I would say overall he's trying really hard and enjoying my new cooking with lots of fresh veggies from our CSA and lean proteins. So it's best to do MY very best, cook healthy meals at home and not have junk available in the house.  You can't make someone change who isn't ready fully, I know that better than anyone but I just have a hard time when it's right in front of me and saying no is not always easy.  So I continue with this journey 8.8 pounds lighter one meal and one day at a time.

Day 5

   Today I feel re energized and pretty content.  Though I was really disappointed to miss the meeting last night, I am hoping to get to the 8 am one on Saturday.  Better late than never right?  I am not nervous about what the scale has to say because I know I am being true to myself and not making poor choices.  Yesterday was a horrific day and if I stayed on plan then, I feel like I can definitely do this.  Today has been better so far.  I had my kefir shake with berries & truvia (the only recommended calorie free sweetener) as well as a small taste of chicken vegetable soup that I cooked from 8:30-9:30 am.  The 17 day soup was fantastic!  Full of flavor and fresh veggies & protein from the chicken which I baked in the oven with Pam.  That chicken would probably be gross on it's own  but mixed in the soup was phenomenal and filling!  I actually had a good amount of chicken left, so I threw it in Ziploc baggies and diced it up to have quick and easy protein to throw in a meal with fresh veggies.  I weighed out the 12 oz of chicken on my scale and it was surprisingly a good amount.  They were talking at weight watchers last time about measuring out food because many people under estimate the amount.  I would have thought the opposite.
      We went out this morning to Abby's swim class and on the way home I decided to stop at a local diner for lunch.  We literally walked in the door were about to sit down and CM threw up all over my shoes.  And out we went...UGH!  So here we go again.  I pray it's not as bad for her as it was for Abby and that it's done by bedtime because I cannot handle another all nighter like Weds night.  We came home and I threw some of my chicken vegetable soup in a bowl and happily ate it.  In a little bit I will have my 2nd fruit (before 2 pm) and some green tea.  Then done till dinner time.
     My DH's birthday is this weekend and typically we go out, spend a lot on a really great meal, wine etc but since we're on plan, I don't think that's an option so I am trying to think of creative ways to celebrate that won't hurt the diet.   Tomorrow we plan to take A to see the new Cars 2 movie that's out and I will have to bring celery, carrots etc. to keep myself from being tempted by that wonderful movie popcorn in which a medium contains just short of 600 calories and 33 grams of fat BEFORE the added butter that I used to so lovingly squirt on there.  Ewww!  They also pop with coconut oil which is 90% saturated fat.  They would be better off switching to canola oil.  It doesn't matter much to me because for the next 12 days I am still completely off carbs.  And even if I wasn't it's hard to imagine having that while trying to lose weight.  It's just self-destructive and sabotaging behavior.  I'm done with that.
     I had a good chat with my friend L last night that asked me to be in her wedding.  I am excited to be going out to California next year and celebrating such a happy event with her.  It will be fun and exciting.  Not sure what I will do with the girls, but I guess I'll cross that bridge as I come to it.  It would be really cool to combine that trip with one to Napa Valley or a different part of CA that I haven't seen yet.  I'm getting excited just thinking about it so I will continue this journey one meal and one day at a time.
Love,
S

Things don't always go according to plan on Day 4

Well here I am completely exhausted and spent after a really rough day with the kids.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, us Moms do not have sick days and boy could I use one today.  A was up most of the night with a stomach bug vomiting every 20-30 minutes.  And in the midst of that I found a deer tick on her eyebrow.  That sucker was small.  I removed it quickly and put it in a baggie and quickly texted a friend who works with Lymes disease to ask her advice.  I was able to get the tick to her with some help from my wonderful mother in law as Abby had passed out on the couch virtually minutes after getting out of bed from sheer exhaustion.  I wish I had the same luxury.  I had to wait till CM's nap time to close my eyes for a bit.  But 2 hours felt like 10 minutes and I am just as tired now, as I was before I went to bed. That being said, somehow through the grace of god I stayed on plan.  I had a kefir shake this am and some berries and a hard boiled egg plus my green tea.  My phone rang at 11:30 as I was scouring the fridge for something I could make quickly for myself that would fill me up and not push me off plan.  My dear friend M asked me what I had in the fridge and walked me through a quick and easy lunch that was delicious.  I took a frozen piece of tilapia (bought frozen in S&S) and seasoned with salt and pepper and sauteed that in a pan with EVOO.  In a separate pan I sauteed garlic, onions, let it sweat up a bit and threw in all of my leftover veggies in the fridge. I had cherry tomatoes, green pepper & mushrooms but M's philosophy is anything really would work that you enjoy.  So I cooked it up till soft and by that time the tilapia was nicely browned at the tail end I threw in some soy sauce for extra flavor & sesame seeds (which I happen to LOVE!).  I threw the veggies in a bowl and the tilapia on top and ta-da a healthy and delicious lunch in less than 15 minutes.  Anyway, the saltines that I had in the house for A were calling my name.  It would have been so much easier to grab the sleeve and curl up on the couch eating 1 by 1 till whatda you know, they're gone.  But I didn't cave.  Today lunch was my toughest meal because of the exhaustion and stress I was under but I somehow made it through.  Looks like weight watchers isn't going to happen today which I am incredibly disappointed about because I had to cancel babysitting since A is sick.  I really wanted to go and feel good about my week and have that reflected on their scale, but you know what?  I know this week has already been a big success in more ways than one.  I am learning to internalize new habits that I can carry through with me for the long term.  If I could say no to the sleeve of saltines today, the bread basket last night and more carbs than I can count, I feel like I can say no to anything.  One day I will maybe be strong enough to have just a few saltines...today is not that day.  It's sort of all or none for me.  And despite feeling like a 18 wheeler truck hit me physically I am happy with the choices I am continuing to make one meal and one day at a time.

My first dinner out

So tonight I had my biggest challenge yet since being on the 17 day diet, a meal out.  I promised my good friend L a birthday dinner at one of our favorite spots.  We went to 121 and it was perfect!  I went online ahead of time and scoped out the menu to figure out what I could have, what I needed to substitute and did so without fail.  The damn bread basket is my nemesis and somehow I managed to keep my cool and not eat a bite of the delicious bread with some sort of whipped butter on the side...umm where was I again?  So obviously the bread basket was a bit of a distraction but I managed to avoid it and felt good doing so.  We ordered dinner and I started with a salad and then had a portebello mushroom with aged balsalmic reduction and lots of yummy veggies including a bed of spinach. I asked them to sub out extra veggies for the potatoes which they happily did. I left dinner feeling satisfied, happy and NOT guilty because I stayed on plan. I didn't drink and I didn't have dessert and guess what?  I didn't miss it!  I was just fine.  Clearly I am not wasting away and those 2 courses were just perfect!  I am coming up on  Day 4 and feeling great.  Tomorrow is weigh in day at weight watchers.  I ordered a new scale to hopefully help with positive reinforcement.  It reads .2 lb increments which is helpful and seemed like a much better scale than the one I step on now 10 times and get 7 different readings.  So frustrating!  So tomorrow my plan is to meal plan the next 13 days of cycle 1 and gather more ingredients to make cooking healthy delicious and easy.  At some point I'd like to add a recipe tab on here.  That would be super helpful to access and help me plan one meal and one day at a time.

My support system

I feel so blessed.  I have wonderful, supportive friends and family who gets this journey.  In the last few days since starting the blog, I have received positive feedback through texts, facebook messages and comments and face to face praise.  Let me tell you that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I had a lovely playdate today with my friend M a devoted foodie but incredibly, healthy cook.  She herself has dealt with issues in the past and lost 70 pounds many years ago and successfully kept it off for over a decade.  That truly fascinates me.  She went through her many cookbooks and helped me find tasty & healthy ways to enjoy the food I CAN have.  I found myself apologizing over and over because I can't have legumes yet or certain grains in the 1st cycle.  She said to stop apologizing and instead focus on the food I CAN have and make it into an adventure.  In addition she cooked a delicious meal from scratch just by grabbing ingredients out of her fridge.  She made me a wonderful grilled chicken and vegetable medley with tomatoes, shallots, garlic, green pepper, broccoli, fresh herbs and seasonings. It was wonderful!  Reminded me of the way Tim at the Schoolhouse must cook at home.  Delicious, simple and satisfying. 

I also had a friend J offer to come show me simple exercises to do with resistance bands and my friend A offer to go walking/running on the trail near my house.  I have to say I feel a bit overwhelmed by the thought of adding exercise to my plan as it is.  I do NOT feel comfortable choosing all of the foods I am supposed to have and darn it, if I am going to do this I am going to do it all the way.  There will be no half as*ing it.  It's not an option.  Plus my knee just started bugging me today.  Could be the rain, but you know what, I can't risk it being a stay at home mom.  There are no sick or vacation days.  I am on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  So I need to make sure this goes away before I think about adding anything high impact into the routine.  Also, I've been told by many reliable sources such as my friend J (a zumba instructor) that diet is 80% of it.  That's the reason you can work out like a fiend and not really lose weight.  Because in the end it's calories in vs calories out.  And though I am not counting calories I know exactly what's going into my mouth.  The other day I grabbed a veggie stick out of habit started chewing and then spit it into the bushes.  I simply have to change my mindset.  It's not about what I can't have it's about enjoying what I can have one meal and one day at a time.
Love,
S

Day 3 & Night Snacking Demons

Got a good nights sleep and still feeling kinda drained from this summer cold.  Who flippin' gets a cold in the summer?  Anyway, I hopped on the scale this morning and it budged another 2 lbs so just hoping that the weight watchers scale is just as kinda tomorrow.  I feel like I am drinking enough water to float away. Got up to pee 2x last night. It's like pregnancy.  I hope my body becomes more accustomed to the water.  This lady doesn't like interrupted sleep.  I just got another piece of REALLY motivating news.  My very good friend L in California has just asked me to be in her wedding next year.  This is a girl I have known since my college days pre-weight loss but she went through the entire journey with me the last time and is a huge support system.  Anyway, I DO NOT want to be the "fat bridesmaid."  I don't want to cringe looking at these photos of myself after the fact.  I'll be going to California to be in a wedding and want to look and feel fabulous!  I want to have a ton of energy and dance the night away with her at her fabulous wedding.  Another thing that's shifted is drinking.  Because of the carbs and sugar I am not drinking really at all right now.  My book says I can have a glass of red wine if I choose to have anything but I am not really into red wine in the summer.  I prefer margaritas, cold beer and white wine.  But all those options have too much sugar and just aren't worth the additional calories.  So lemon water, green tea and limited coffee is pretty much it. I could have crystal light I guess and diet soda but that's not counting toward my daily water count because of all of the chemicals.
Last night, I had a hankering for some kind of evening snack but just had my pomegranate green tea and went to bed.  It's breaking these habits that's tough.  There's no reason I need to have a snack at 9 pm other than habit.  I was a terrible night snacker though.  I could go through entire days and be great and then self sabotage myself from 8-11 at night and then lie in bed with all those extra calories not burning off and turning to fat.  It's no wonder I gained the weight back.  But I have always been a night snacker even the last time I went through this.  I was just terribly disciplined and if I chose to eat reduced fat cheez its I would count out a serving size, close the box and that was it.  There was no carrying the box out in front of the TV and before I knew it half the box was gone.  How did I get on this subject again?  Oh right night snacking.  It might be something I need to give up all together which is tough.  I am a social person and go out with girl friends a lot to poker, MOMS Night Outs and to friends parties.  I think for me night snacking is like a floodgate that I just need to shut the gates to all together.  I guess time will tell.  But I have a lot of perspective and it's not like I don't know what I am supposed to do.  It's just having the will power to follow through.  I may just decide it's too much to put myself in some of these situations for the time being and hang back. My good friends and followers will know why.  And hopefully someday I will be strong enough to just have a bite or 2 of dessert.  Today is NOT that day and I am not that strong.  So please don't take offense friends.
Love you one meal and one day at a time.

End of Day 2

I think I was in denial for a while...you know when you step on the scale and think, that can't be right.  Am I really that weight?  How on earth did that happen?  Well I'll tell ya, it happened slowly over the course of 8-10 years.  You think eh' 5 lbs who cares, 10 lbs no biggie, then you move a size, then 2 sizes and before you know it the fat jeans turned into the skinny jeans and you're shopping in the plus dept of the store. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I would just prefer to go where there is greater selection and cuter clothes.  Ya know?  Ugh, I said I would never go back there.  And you know what?  Instead of beating myself up about it anymore, I decided to finally make the change.  So I am at the end of Day 2 in the 17 day program and it's been OK.  I am not hungry right now and I stayed completely on plan all day long.  I am finding that the headaches are gone and despite an icky Spring cold, I have more energy and feel clearer headed.  Sugar really does mess with your head.  So tomorrow is Day 3 and I feel strong and capable, somehow different this time.  I REALLY appreciate all of the feedback both on Facebook and here on the blog.  It helps me feel accountable and like someone cares.  So thanks!  Thursday is weigh in day.  According to my home scale I was down 2 pds but we'll see.  My Aunt Flo is coming for a visit soon so the scale may not reflect as big of a loss as I might hope for and that is OK.  It will probably be bigger loss the week after.  But I will not get discouraged and I will stay on target.  One meal and one day at a time.  Love you!
-S

The beginning of my journey

Well here I am again, I began yet another "diet" I know I've heard it all before it's not a diet it's a lifestyle change, you have such a pretty face if you just lost some weight you'd be gorgeous and the ultimate it's for your health.  Well here's the thing people, people don't change until they're good and ready.  I am so angry with myself for letting this happen.  Over the course of over 2 years between 99-01 I lost over 90 pounds! Yes, you read that right, 90!  Somehow getting married, getting comfortable, letting my habits relax, having 2 kids, being busy etc. it all came back.  It's so disheartening and depressing to think about.  I have really tried EVERY imaginable diet out there: weight watchers, master cleanses, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, slim fast, the old fashioned diet and exercise.  The way I was successful last time was mostly diet & exercise and weight watchers to take off the last 10-15 pounds.  However time has gone by and I have grown a few years older (33 now) and it just doesn't seem to come off as easily quickly as it did the last time.  Not that 2 years is quick, it's not but I feel like I have gained and lost the same 20-30 pounds a dozen times and can't get over that hump.  I will never be a small person, it's just not in the cards, and I am OK with that.  I don't need to be 110 pounds to be happy or healthy for that matter.  I just want to feel better, have more energy, look better in my clothes and have more confidence.  I don't know if I will ever get back to my lowest weight and that's just fine with me.  I think it may be a goal that's unattainable for the time being.  So you know what?  I am going to take this journey 1 day at a time.  I hope that you friends and family enjoy the ride.  I am going about it differently, because I need support.  In addition to doing the 17 day diet, I joined weight watchers and started this blog in hopes that by doing a multitude of platforms, I can stay accountable.  I plan to weigh in every Thursday at weight watchers.  I will NOT be posting that number, I just don't think it matters or is important but I plan to share if I lose, gain or stay the same.  I also will be posting tips and things that are working for me.  So buckle up and enjoy this long and bumpy ride. 
Love,
S