I am planning to post just 1x this weekend. We're headed out this morning to our CSA. Looking forward to picking up fresh fruit, veggies and greens at our farm. It's fun to show the kids where real food comes from. The big thing I do not want to pass down to my kids is poor eating habits. I am so glad that I am doing this now while they're still so young to really understand the difference.
Last night the kids ate chicken nuggets, veggies, fruit and a cheese stick along with milk and water. I am not a big fan of the processed stuff but it's so much faster. Grr convenience wins with kids. I can wait the extra 15 minutes for dinner, screaming kids...not so much. I want to make a concerted effort to try and prep the chicken and flash pan fry it then freeze it so I can just cook the rest of the way when I take it out of the freezer or perhaps cook it all the way and warm in microwave. Last night the chicken nuggets felt like they were filled with air instead of chicken. they means far too much breading. I don't do nuggets daily but let's face it they're darn convenient especially when a group comes over and you're feeding 6 kids and need the food on the table ASAP. Anyway, when I was growing up I was an only child. My parents both worked full time. Nothing wrong with that. Gotta do what you gotta do economically or for your own sanity reasons. I have made a decision that I prefer to be home with the kids. We can afford it right now and hopefully will be able to for a long while still. I love being home with them and enjoy taking them to do things and spending gobs of time with them. Some days are rough but overall I love my job, it's hands down the best one I could ever ask for.
But I just really want to be a healthy, happy mommy. I want to look the same as most of the other mommies. I don't wanna stick out to my kids and have them wonder why their mommy is so FAT. I hate that word. I really do. It actually makes me sick but I use it to illustrate my point. If I were having a conversation I would say heavy or bigger. It's really insensitive to those who actually do have a weight problem especially if they have struggled with it their ENTIRE life. In case you didn't know.
I pray my kids don't have this life long struggle. I grew up as a latch key kid and often let myself in after school and helped myself to whatever was in the pantry for snacks. There was no one there to prepare me a healthy snack or help me make the right choice, so I often made the wrong one. Those wrong choices turned into a lifetime of unhealthy choices. I don't blame my parents, they did what they had to do. I did have activities to help keep me active tennis and horseback riding but it wasn't enough and when those activities ended and I began college the rest of the weight piled on. So I am hyper aware that we as a family need to eat family dinners together, that I need to provide healthy choices and I need to be involved in this process so the normal choices become fruits and veggies and occasional treats are cookies, crackers, chips etc. I know that genetics play a role and I was never predisposed to being a small person. BUT by making the right choices for the rest of my lifetime I can certainly work against the process and I can help my kids avoid a lifetime of struggles. So as a family, we head off to the farm and continue on one meal and one day at a time.
As a child of a woman who saw themself as "FAT", I can honestly say that I never saw my mommy as "FAT". I never saw her as anything different than anyone else. I am not saying I am the "norm" but just I am who I am- a child of a mommy who deemed herself as overweight. Don't think of yourself as anything other then the wonderful you. You are seeing yourself as you are with your own insecurities. Your babies, there is a good chance, are seeing you through a totally different set of eyes.
ReplyDeleteI shared this with my mom tonight after reading your entry and she was very touched b/c she felt similar to how you mentioned with your kids. It was/is her cross to bear and she struggles with her own self image every day. she found her way through it, and you will too. until then, you have people that love you to help support you, one meal and one day at a time.
Thank you Kim for your kind words. It is something I am so incredibly sensitive about. I hope that my kids don't see people and judge people in that way. You never know what kind of battle someone is fighting internally. A and I always talk about the fact that people come in different shapes and sizes, have different color hair, eyes and skin etc. We're all still the same people on the inside. But a few months ago I had a friends child ask me if I had a baby in my tummy and it really hurt. I know it's a child but it hurt just the same. In retrospect I am surprised it took me this long to get my act together. I am very tough on the girls in that respect. We don't ever tease people based on how they look because what truly matters is what's on the inside of the person.
ReplyDeleteInteresting that your Mom has the same cross, it's a lifelong cross and not sure it'll ever go away. I am so blessed with friends like you who "get" how tough this is. Its just as much of an internal struggle as it is external. Hugs to your Mom!