2.5 more measly pounds

Happy Thursday friends and followers.  Tonight the sky is booming and lit up like the 4th of July with this crazy Thunderstorm outside.  I have wanted to write for the past 2 days but was wracking my brain about what to write about. Inspiration came today during a text exchange with my good friend K.  She is also doing 17DD and rocking it by the way.  She's about 9 days behind me but lost about the same amount of weight on c1 that I have.  You can't compare your own journey to someone else's but sometimes it's tough not to.  Usually at this point in c1 I have lost at least 10 pounds.  Tomorrow is the 2 week mark and I have lost 7.5 pounds.  I mean don't get me wrong, it's a great loss for 2 weeks but not 17DD good.  I thought about everything and asked myself the following questions:
1. Am I following 17DD cycle 1 to a T?
2. Have I cheated?
3. Am I exercising?
4. What's different this time in c1 versus other times in c1?

Here are my thoughts.  1. I have been pretty religious about following the diet.  I mean any modifications I have made were made in the previous times I have done 17DD.  For example, I cannot drink black coffee.  I try and just hate it so I add a splash of 1% milk.  It's never deterred me before in my weight loss, not sure why it would this time.
2. I cheated 1x so far but it was planned in advance for my good friends birthday.  That splurge took 3 days to recover from.  It was an amazing meal and worth it but definitely set me back a few days.  Other than that, I have been religious.
3. Nope, not exercising.  The one thing I know about weight loss is 80% of weight loss is from diet.  I think that lifting weights and cardio is important and the more muscle mass you have the more calories you burn just sitting there.  Muscle uses more calories than fat.  But, when I am in the throws of weight loss I have learned something about myself.  I am either awesome at one or the other, but not both.  Since diet is 80% of weight loss, I choose to concentrate on that portion for now.  I plan to incorporate exercise when I get closer to my goal but for now nursing my son and just keeping the laundry done and simply running around with my kids is all I can handle for now.
4.  I think the major difference this time versus the last time I did c1 is I already had lost about 40 pounds after having J.  My body was like "hey what's happening to me?  I need this fat."  I honestly think I am having to work harder now than I did previously to lose in c1.  I am still far from my goal though, so I can't get discouraged.

I remember doing weight watchers in conjunction with 17DD for support and accountability a few years back.  It was pretty helpful actually and I may consider adding that back in maybe in the new year when I eventually, inevitably, plateau and begin to lose my drive.  For now I will stay on course and keep plugging along because as my  great friend said "It's better to have lost that weight than gained it."  She's absolutely right!

I am only 2.5 pounds from my pre-baby weight.  I am really praying that I can get to that magic number by Tuesday when I begin c2.  That would be an awesome accomplishment and make me feel really empowered.  I am doing everything right.  So, fingers crossed it happens.  Until then, one meal and one day at a time.

Here we go again

I knew it was time to start blogging again and realized it, when I tried to remember where I left off the last time I blogged.  It was right around the time we decided we were going to think about having a 3rd baby.  Well guess what?  Surprise, surprise, I pretty much sneezed and got pregnant immediately. Believe me, I know how lucky I am in that arena of my life.  I have friends and family who struggled and tried for years to have a baby or experienced fertility issues after having a perfectly healthy and easy time getting pregnant the first time around.  Anyway, I got pregnant last August and the 17 day diet had to go on the back burner.  I know that it's possible to do weight watchers under a doctors care, but I honestly feel that this is the one time in your life when you should be able to not worry about your weight and just enjoy your pregnancy and the foods you love and cravings you may have.  Well boy did I enjoy.  A little too much I guess.  I gained 50 pounds during the pregnancy.  With the girls I gained 25-30 so I guess I enjoyed a lot more than I had in the past 2 pregnancies.  Oh well.  It got to the point where I refused to look down at the scale when I weighed in every appointment and preferred to live in ignorant bliss.  Well I don't think I would change it but I certainly had to pay the price after delivering my sweet baby boy last April.  I called my OB's office about a week after delivering to find out what my last weigh in was prior to delivering.  I actually had to step on the scale the morning I delivered(lucky me), so I definitely got my accurate number.  I wrote it down and said to myself "I will never be this heavy again."  And thank god about 30 pounds pretty much fell off me within the first month after delivering between the baby, nursing and having very little time to eat.  Then I began watching the calories but not really dieting and another 15 pounds came off between May & July.  At the end of July we left for a vacation to cape cod and my willpower went out the window and we ate more ice cream in a week then I think I ate my entire pregnancy :)  I gained back 5 of those pounds in a week and came home from a wonderful family vacation feeling defeated.  Have I not learned anything throughout this journey?  So it took a few more weeks for me to gear up and get my head in the game.  I am a huge advocate for nursing and was incredibly concerned about my milk supply dropping.  I weighed the pro's and con's and did some of my own research.  What I discovered was that there is no reason why I couldn't do a no carb/low carb diet as long as I was getting enough calories.  So I decided to take the plunge.  I started again on August 30th with a wedding 2 days later and tons of commitments with family and friends on the calendar.  Here's one thing I have learned friends, if you keep waiting for the perfect time to diet it will NEVER happen.  There is no perfect time with nothing going on in life.  Is it hard to diet with all of this stuff going on? Sure.  But it's reality and one thing I know is I can't stop living my life in order to be on this program so I stay on target and make good choices when I am out.  And when I eat out or splurge it deters my efforts.  A pound I have worked tirelessly to lose over several days has no problem finding its way back on my body with one splurged meal.  It's frustrating and tiring to be completely honest.  This is a struggle for me.  I know that I will never be a size 2 and I am ok with that.  It's not the way god made me.  So I just keep plugging along one meal and one day at a time.

A long time since posting

I cannot believe that late October was the last time I posted.  Well, I guess looking back in hindsight, that's when life got complicated and busy again.  I started to prep for birthday and holiday season.  I will update you on where I have been in the previous months.  I am home full time with both of my children, which is the best, most rewarding job I could ever hope to have.  I love being with them and going on adventures together.  Recently, our family took a trip to California and traveled all along the CA coast.  It was amazing.  I worked really hard to lose 10 pounds the weeks leading up to the trip and did it, but unfortunately, 3 days into the trip I lost all motivation and my willpower was lost somewhere along the Pacific Coast highway.  Anyway, I put back on 7 of the 10 pounds in just 2 weeks.  UGH!  I know I can do it again and actually have lost most of it again since being back. but I am tired of losing and gaining the same 10 pounds.  I lost over 45 pounds but couldn't seem to get over a certain hump. 

Rewind a few more months and we'll go back to the Holidays of 2011.  I made a conscious decision to maintain my weight loss instead of trying to lose through January so I ate well and continued to do 17DD about 80% of the time.  On the weekends and special nights out I did what I wanted within reason and was able to keep the weight off.  But in February right around Valentines, I started to relax instead of tightening up the belt and slowly between Feb and May I gained back about 10 pounds.  These are the same 10 pounds that I just lost before the CA adventure.  So here I am again, pretty much at the same place I was last October.  I am still over 40 pounds less than I was when I began my journey, but I still have more to go. 

I know the types of foods to eat and the types to avoid.  I know I am an emotional eater and I have certain foods which trigger overeating.  For example, it's really hard to overdo it on kale salad and grilled chicken but put a bag of chips or plate of cookies in front of me and I can and will polish them off.  I don't know if this is something I will ever over fully overcome, or if it's just too ingrained to reverse.  That being said, I can try to be aware of it and think of the rewards and/or consequences as I sit down with whatever I am eating. 

The other piece of the puzzle is that we are considering having another baby.  I'd really like to lose another 20-30 pounds before I get pregnant.  I would be more comfortable and theoretically by the time I deliver I will be at the same place as I am now, as opposed to another 20-30 pounds heavier.  Every other pregnancy, I have begun about 10-25 pounds heavier than what I am now so at least I am a little less.  I am not worried about my risk of gestational diabetes, as I have not had it prior and am a very healthy eater.  But I don't want to put any additional strain on my feet, knees or back.  I feel good where I am.  For the most part things don't hurt, unless it's my time of the month.  Any little twinges I felt, went away with the last 10 pounds I lost. 

I don't want to put our family planning on hold for too long so I need to get my head in the game and get rid of at least 20 pounds through 17 DD again.  I know it works for me, it makes sense to me and I have a wonderful friend who has been endlessly supportive doing it along with me.  She is where I was this time last year and I couldn't be prouder of her.

So here I am again, moving forward, one meal and one day at a time.

Calvin Klein Jeans bought at Costco: $26, feeling of buying a random pair of jeans in a size I haven't been since way pre-kids...PRICELESS!

   I had another non-scale victory today.  I saw really cute CK jeans at Costco for $26.  I haven't bought anything of this sort from a pile on a table in a very long time.  So I searched the pile found my size and they  even had the petite length.  I took them home and hoped for the best.  On the went and zipped right up.  I am finding myself at the point where I can no longer wear the pants I bought when my size went down the first time.  They're not flattering, they billow out and make my as* look pretty much non-existent.  I have a tough body to fit though b/c I am naturally straight.  I don't have much of a distinction between my waist and hips so things tend to be tighter around my waist and loose in my hips and thighs.  It's not worth spending lots on tailoring b/c a: I don't care that much b: I am cheap with tailoring and c: I am continuing to lose weight.  So I can just try and buy on sale and be frugal as the clothes I wear this Fall will not be the same as the one I wear next.  On the plus side, someone is going to be very happy when they hit goodwill with all the donations I make on these gently worn clothes.  Anyway, I have accomplished my Halloween goal and have several more pounds to reach my Thanksgiving goal.  I just recently bought one of the cookbooks from the 17 day diet site and am hoping to make some new exciting recipes in the coming days.  I have had meals out and parties recently, that make losing weight really tough.  And this weekend 2 more parties.  So I will do the best I can and as I always do to make good choices one meal and one day at a time.  But now I am in really cute CK pocket jeans :)

Feeling good on the inside and out

    I am so excited to be feeling so good.  I went to a party over the weekend wearing a dress I had squeezed into this time last year, that I felt ok in and self conscious.  This year, I wore it proudly and felt like a million bucks.  It zipped effortlessly and I actually had to have it shortened to wear with my knee high boots.  I am far from "skinny" but I am absolutely less rotund.  I am liking how I look in pictures for the most part as opposed to cringing and looking the other direction.  But mostly I am proud of the internal stuff going on inside my body.  Last week I had a physical.  First one I have had in years.  I was nervous about it and actually switched doctors.  I was upfront about my weight issues and said I am aware of my size and need no reminders.  I have a constant internal reminder to myself.  I explained how I had lost 43 pounds in 15 weeks and what I have been doing.  She was fantastic and proud.  My blood work came back and it was great.  I should pre-empt this by saying I didn't have high cholesterol, sugar, pressure to start BUT these have always been things I think about in the back of my mind as an overweight person and especially the sugar b/c type 2 diabetes runs in the family.  Anyway, my numbers were phenomenal, "award winning" (her words not mine).  Anyway, it is a great feeling to know that the changes that are occurring outside my body are showing on the inside as well.  I feel more confident and I am even beginning to tuck in my shirt...whoa!  Hmmm what else?  I am 12 pounds away from a huge goal for myself.  I am hoping to hit this by Thanksgiving.  Initially the goal was Christmas but I keep adjusting as I go along.  I am 2 pounds from my Halloween goal which is almost a month away.  I think it's safe to say, I'll hit it as long as I don't have some sort of crazy attack in the middle of the Halloween section at CVS.  Speaking of which, I don't even know if I'll buy candy this year.  No one trick or treats here and last year we sold it to the dentist.  I'd rather just save the money so maybe we'll get some Halloween pretzels and call it a day just in case. Then my kids will have relatively healthy snacks after the fact.  I won't deprive them of candy but I can't keep it around b/c I will end up eating it when they go to bed.  It's just not a good idea.  Even though the sugar cravings are way better than before beginning 17DD I just don't tempt fate by keeping that stuff around.  So we'll have to figure something out so that I am not a Halloween grinch to my kids.  I think that's pretty much it.  I continue to keep going one meal and one day at a time. 

Breaking the cycle of emotional eating

     Yesterday was a hard day for me.  I received some very sad news which I won't go into detail about here except to discuss my reaction to it.  In the past I have been an emotional eater.  I eat in times of joy, sorrow, boredom, irritation, anger, celebration and disappointment.  In essence, whenever there are times of extreme emotion, I eat.  Some people can't eat when they feel nervous or stressed or upset.  For me it was the opposite, I jammed the food down my throat trying to cram the emotions down with it instead of trying to properly deal with the issue at hand.  I think many people are like this, it's just not something they openly admit.  I have many girlfriends who I have discussed this issue with.  In hindsight, I should have grabbed a phonebook and found a therapist instead of a bag of double stuff oreos.  Because the oreos won't solve my problems or make me feel better long term.  It's a short term fix that puts one into a sugar coma releasing temporary endorphins which quickly fade and leave one with a sense of emptiness thus wanting to eat again.  It's a vicious cycle and one that I hope I have broken through the course of the last few months.  Yesterday sucked.  I'm not going to lie.  I did ask to go out for Chinese food.  BUT I had a seaweed salad, 1 chicken lettuce wrap and steamed veggies and shrimp.  I really wanted an egg roll, but I didn't have it.  The egg roll is not going to make me feel better long term and I really needed to nourish my body.  I did want some comfort food, but I think I have struck the balance.  I enjoyed a delicious and healthy meal that I didn't finish.  I ate till comfortable and made healthy choices despite my horrid mindset.  It's so easy to make excuses for emotional eating, believe me I did it for most of my life.  I hope I am done with that and have broken the cycle by openly acknowledging it and dealing with the root problem at hand.  I continue on with this journey with a healthier body and spirit to deal with what life may throw my way, one meal and one day at a time.

Fun at the Big E and life lessons being learned

     It's been a while since I have posted.  Sorry about that.  I really have nothing else to blame except the chaos from the beginning of the new school year and lots of fun commitments that have left me exhausted come the end of the night when I would typically blog.  So, let's catch up.  In the past month I have reached a new goal.  I made my 40 pound weight loss goal earlier this week.  That was originally my Halloween goal so I obviously needed to update my small goals going forward.  I have made a 45 pound goal for Halloween and a 50 pound goal for Thanksgiving.  I think that's still more than doable and I might need to re-adjust again.  But I have to be honest, it's so much easier to set small attainable goals, reach them and celebrate the small milestones then it is to set huge lofty goals that are a year away in the horizon.  It's nice to say to myself, great job on losing 5 or 10 more pounds, let's get a pedicure or a new item of clothing (in a smaller size).
I am so excited to be able to go into the Gap and put on whatever I want.  The size may not be my dream, but I am on my way and I have said goodbye to the plus sized clothing that I completely hated wearing.  It's not cute, it's not fun, it's frumpy, old ladyish and doesn't ooze style.  Not like I ooze style now, but I am getting better.  In fact last week I had a wonderful date night with my DH in bethel.  We went to an amazing Italian restaurant and I had a phenomenal dinner.  A veal chop with a chick pea puree and some incredible sauce with haricot verts.  OMG it was to die for.  So here's the thing: I did NOT eat the bread from the bread basket though I was hungry and it was screaming out to me because earlier in the day I had some of a soft pretzel at an Oktoberfest.  Ummm, wait this is not why I brought this story up.  Rewind...OK so I am getting back to my style.  I wore a cute black short dress with a ruffle down the front, ankle boots and a cute grey sweater over the top.  I tied it all together is a brown belt that accentuated the beginnings of a waist.  It's pretty exciting that I would attempt to draw attention to that area of myself that I have desperately been hiding for at least 5 years, prolly longer if I am honest.  Anyway, my DH loved it and I felt sexy, confidant and proud of myself so I rocked that outfit.  I am continuing to try new things and come out of my comfort zone a bit more day by day.  I just spend the past 24 hours up at the Big E in Springfield.  Wow, this is a dieters worst nightmare.  I would not have been strong enough the handle this back in July, no way no how.  There is fried food at every turn and nearly every booth.  It's very difficult to stay on track.  I knew that I would be spending a lot of time there so I needed to space out my treats and choose wisely.  I am still thinking about the lobster roll that I didn't have when I went to the cape, so guess what?  That's a clue to me that I need to stop obsessing over things.  If a craving is that bad, a little is ok.  But I think that's the key right?  Anything in moderation.  That being said, a little deep fried cheesecake was not my treat of choice.  I really wanted the cream puff.  I talked to A and her friend M and asked them if they would share with me because I cannot buy a delicious cream puff and throw most of it out, that's simply sacrilege.  So they agreed.  I dived it up and gave them the bigger half to share and took the other piece for myself.  I gotta say, it was insanely good and worth the calories.  It wouldn't have been worth all of them, but I made a conscious choice, had some of it, got it out of my system and can be at peace about it.  I tried to make good decisions today and had a small cup of raspberries and a fresh tomato and mozzarella salad.  I was scared to weigh in this afternoon because of last nights indulgence.  Because I also had carbs in the evening.  A no no on 17DD.  But I decided to face the music and I have to say I am glad that I did because despite it all, I still lost a pound.  It's because I was consciously eating, I never lost control, I had my water and I did bring a few healthy snacks.  I guess the old saying rings true: if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.  I remember the days of eating whatever I wanted, not thinking about it and then hopping on the scale hoping for a miracle like somehow I lost weight eating crap.  But it just doesn't happen.  I have a good friend who's rail thin.  She eats what she wants, when she wants.  But here's the thing about her.  She never finishes anything.  She often takes a few bites and then ditches the rest.  I think that's the key.  She doesn't deprive herself, but she rarely finishes a treat.  Don't get me wrong, I think metabolism plays a role there too because as a child she was the type who couldn't gain weight if she tried but as an adult she's had to adjust accordingly to maintain her weight.  She's figured out what makes her body tick.  Now if we all can do that, we'd all be healthy, happy and fit.  I will never be rail thin, it's not in the cards and I am ok with that, but I am 40 pounds lighter than when I began this journey 16 weeks ago and I think that's something to celebrate.  So I continue along a little wiser and 40 pounds thinner one meal and one day at a time.